Ethical Wills in the Age of Coronavirus

As this Coronavirus has spread around the world, governments and citizens are operating on a day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes minute to minute basis. With that, the majority of us find ourselves in self-isolation. What was once normal life has been replaced with uncertainty, questions, and waiting for what will become of our lives of the past.

We are now living in a novel time in 2020…

Perhaps even a new “normal” …

With this comes threats (we hope minimal), and opportunities.

More than ever in our collective lifetimes we need to BREATHE! And also, look towards the opportunities!

We all want to know just how much the impact of the virus will have on our families, our jobs and businesses. We wait patiently to rejoin our loved ones that we don’t live with after the worry and fear of contagion subsides. Which it will. With all our hopes and dreams, caring for each other and pulling together as a global community—it will subside.

Most of us are confined to our homes for an unknown period of time. This presents us with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get projects done that we have put off in the past. “To Do” lists to keep busy and fill the days include: Spring cleaning, re-organizing kitchens & bathrooms, taking up old hobbies, writing, reading, binge-watching TV/Movies, etc. Perhaps it has some folks even retrieving old photo albums that were left in a box or attic or top shelf of a cupboard, in order to reminisce.

 

There just might be one task that you never had on your To-Do list that can easily become a most important accomplishment for you at the end of this home-stay experience…a task that your loved ones will thank you for and cherish long after self-isolation has passed. It is to produce in either written format, or in audio or video recording, your ethical will or legacy of values.

Back in 2015 Memoirs Productions published the industry standard white paper “Preserving Your Legacy of Values”. This paper is a deep-dive into the understanding of the process of ethical wills and specifically the power and impact that video ethical wills have for both the person recording it, and future generations who will view the production.

Right now is the right time to record your ethical will. To help you start the process we are re-launching our White Paper at this critical time. You can find it below in easy-to-read blog format and  can also download it in its full print format (with includes additional photos and graphics) by clicking here.

Most of us are becoming comfortable with videos on our phones and computers (Zoom, FaceTime, SKYPE, etc.) which enables us to take advantage of recording ourselves as a way of having meaningful time spent while in isolation. Lockdown is a perfect time for this opportunity!

The time to leave the spiritual legacy of recording your values, beliefs, lessons learned and other important messages for posterity is now.

Stay tuned for further information on “How to” …Coming soon.

Our thoughts are with you in the days and weeks ahead. Together, apart, we will get through Coronavirus stronger, healthier and wiser.

 

Happy Passover and Happy Easter!

Be well, go safely!

 

Iris Wagner

 

WHITE PAPER: Preserving Your Legacy of Values

 

Introduction

What if the same amount of attention we spend on estate planning was also dedicated to preserving our spiritual wealth? What if we recognized that our ethics and values, when passed on, could have more impact on the future success of our families and related organizations than even the most astute financial legacy planning?

In setting out strategies for the future, most family offices and businesses tend to place a lot of emphasis on financial aspects and assuring that the distribution of assets is in order. The focus is usually on understanding how financial legacies will eventually be handled and in making sure that loved ones are properly cared for.

However, a rapidly emerging area of interest is the preservation and transmission of those legacies that are far more precious: the values we live by and the stories of our lives are what we want to be remembered by. Typically, these are passed on informally from one generation to the next with significant details and nuances lost along the way as the story is told and retold – or forgotten.

Yet with some thoughtfulness and careful use of digital technology, it is possible to capture these values and stories as the most meaningful of legacies for generations to come.

Background

According to the Allianz American Legacies Study conducted a few years ago, values and life lessons have emerged as overwhelmingly critical for a “true and successful legacy plan”. The study, which gathered data on legacy building from Boomers (aged 40-64) and Elders (65 and over), demonstrated that the most crucial element in legacy planning is considered to be what they refer to as “values, not valuables”. More than threequarters of both groups answered that it was important to them personally to receive and/or give values and life lessons as part of an inheritance, versus an average of 32% caring for personal possessions, and an average of 20% concerned about financial assets. In fact, Boomers in general are less likely to believe that they are owed an inheritance and stated they are keenly interested in preserving their parents’ memories.

A follow-up Allianz survey in 2012 showed that both groups cared significantly more about preserving family stories (86% of Boomers and 74% of Elders) than financial inheritance (9% of Boomers and 14% of Elders), In other words, there is a clear distinction between leaving a simple inheritance and creating a real legacy that has lasting impact, and there is a growing desire to both give and receive such legacies.

Although it is common to take great care and devote significant planning to how to transfer material wealth and assets to family members and loved ones, the same attention is less frequently paid to preserving families’ spiritual legacies. The history, stories and beliefs that define a family and its members are instrumental in setting the stage for the future well-being of generations to come.

Each of us has somehow grown, overcome challenges and received wisdom from our own life stories, wisdom that if properly preserved and handed down, could be influential for others. It’s the simple rationale for why every person has a life story that’s worth preserving.

Ethical Wills – Legacies of Values Defined

The formal act of preserving our values and beliefs is often known as an “ethical will” or “legacy of values”. Sometimes known as a legacy letter when in written form, an ethical will is an effective method of sharing key learnings, values, blessings, life’s lessons, hopes and dreams for the future, love and forgiveness, with your family, friends and community.

An ethical will is not a legal document and does not distribute material wealth: it captures the ideas and inspirations that an individual wants to share and allows them to live on as a sincere expression of what truly matters most in life. The concept of ethical wills is not new:

  • Storytelling to capture the important lessons from the past are common in many cultures and are referred to in both the Hebrew and Christian Bibles. For example, Genesis 49 describes Jacob just before he died, sitting outside his tent blessing his sons and telling them what had been important to him and what he wished for them to know and how to live.
  • From the Middle Ages, the ethical will of a German widow called Glückel of Hameln has surfaced from the late 17th century. While running her late husband’s business and raising her 12 children, she sat nightly to write letters in her journal to them “so if, God forbid, something should happen to me, they should know our values and other important things”.
  • In more modern times, the “Master Class” television show on the Oprah Winfrey Network is a weekly variation of an ethical will where a well-known contemporary thinker talks about what he or she has learned and wants to share: a living legacy.
  • Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams at Carnegie Mellon has had over 17 million views on YouTube to date.

Today’s ethical wills are often written by people at turning points and transitions in their lives. They are usually shared with family and community while the writer is still alive and there is an opportunity to discuss and learn from him or her. This process is often called a life review, where an individual records a deliberate and well-thought out expression of personal values and life lessons, and it often takes place during or following critical periods such as marriage, the birth of a child, serious illness, major events, retirement or a crucial milestone in business: a major acquisition, sale or move. It is these important moments that may provoke a more focused reflection on what we really want those who follow us to know and remember.

The Power of Reflection

In a world where you are always judged by your next success, it can sometimes seem like a waste of time to look back: all our energy is focused on the future. And in the overly charged life of a visionary leader, this can seem doubly so. Is such a backwards reflection really of no use to a careful planning forward? The process of capturing an individual’s values as a legacy for next generations does two things: it creates an incredible and invaluable gift for its recipients, but it also can act as a powerful and life-changing moment for the individual.

The act of producing such a legacy, with its deep reflection and reframing of life experiences, allows a rare opportunity:

  • to relive and enjoy certain achievements
  • to recall a sense of accomplishment or pride in a challenge overcome
  • to sense a feeling of completion
  • to undergo a cathartic and deeply revealing experience.

Although its positive effects are great, surprisingly, a vast majority of individuals do not consider its relevance until it is too late. In an interview with Esquire Magazine, Robert De Niro was quoted as saying that one of his greatest regrets was that he did not have enough of his parents’ stories recorded for his children and grandchildren for them to hear and learn from. He then went on to complete a posthumous movie about his father and the complicated relationship that they had, but he admits that the ability to have captured his father’s thoughts in his own words would have been even more powerful.

The objective for many astute family businesses has become not only knowing where you want to go but also taking the time to note how far you’ve come. It is essential to take this moment of deliberate pause, to reflect and to take stock of where you are, right now, and to mark the significant milestones that have been placed along the pathway of your lives or of those who went before.

 

THE EDWARD MATHESON STORY

A highly successful entrepreneur of a fourth generation family business, Edward Matheson believed that there was no point in reflecting backwards. “All you get from looking back is a kink in your neck”, he said. His attitude was that it was best to look forward to try to identify the path that competitors couldn’t see to allow his company to be a leader in its industry.

After a few months of conducting regular sessions of a guided life review, Edward began to open up. He started to tell the history of the family business in perfect detail: although he had said he never looked back, there was nothing he couldn’t remember about anything that had ever taken place. In doing this life review of his family’s business, he quickly realized that along the way the challenges (and even some near failures) were in fact the important milestones from which the most significant growth was achieved. Edward’s outlook has since changed and he now intentionally reviews at regular, planned intervals what has transpired and what new lessons have been learned.

In this case, the reflection process resulted in putting a lot of things in perspective, including the changing tides of a century-old industry affected by the ebbs and flows of manufacturing technology. More importantly for this family, it captured the strong values Edward’s grandfather had passed on to him in his business and personal life that were foundational to the company’s future growth.

 

Beginning the Process

One way to begin the fact-based portion of your reflection is through family ancestry research. Using an online resource like Ancestry.com is a good place to start: in this case, it currently boasts 34 million family trees in its records and over 10 billion records online. A new service offered is DNA testing (painless, through swabbing your saliva) as a way to match ethnicity and roots from all over the world and to more scientifically determine from where your ancestors originated.

Some family offices choose to hire a professional genealogist to uncover not just the names and dates of births and deaths from online resources, libraries, city halls and cemeteries, but other records as well. They have expertise in researching ship manifests for immigration purposes, marriage certificates, and other such archival documents for very in-depth background information.

A very common starting point, however, is simple consultation with oldest living family members and reviewing personal archives and collections. You may be surprised at the quantity and quality of anecdotal information you find. Whichever way is chosen, uncovering the lineage of family ancestry is a first task, followed by trying to associate those names with photographs, press articles, video clips, memorabilia, and if possible always stories since it is in the tale-telling that the true values tend to emerge.

Once this primary research is compiled, the next step in recording such a legacy is to look at milestones achieved, either for ancestors – a good place to start is with your own parents – and then your own accomplishments or pivotal moments that happened in your lifetime. The end goal is to amass a body of information that outlines overall family values and beliefs as well as lessons learned that then can become the basis of your ethical will.

This type of qualitative and quantitative research allows families to uncover a deeper background that can then be preserved, built upon, and passed on to next generations through various means that will conserve the messages intact and without interpretation.

 

THE GOLDBERG FAMILY STORY

One family office recently completed this process and has taken their archival information to a new digital level. After completing an ethical will on video with all elders in the family, the Goldbergs decided to develop a family portal website, highly secure and password protected, for the exclusive use of family members (there are close to 300 living members all over the world). Researchers have uploaded the information to build a timeline of their ancestors, from the earliest known roots in mid-1800s in Eastern Europe to their arrival in North America, and growth and success since the early 1900s. The website displays an in-depth family tree that can be sorted by family last name or by ancestor, with headshot photos where available.

Rounding out the genealogical information are data sources in the form of memorabilia: birth and death certificates, ship records, business incorporation documents, old land deeds, and other original documents have been digitized for easy access by any descendant. In addition, elders in the family recorded their earliest memories about previous generations and then audio files and transcribed copies of these were uploaded to the private website where any family member can view them. The Goldbergs went to great lengths to “look back” and to preserve the stories, values and beliefs of the past, along with the historical details to support them.

 

The Power of the Narrator’s Voice

Like Edward in the Matheson family’s story, it is easy to ignore the importance and significance of preserving such stories and lessons, dismissing them as time lost reviewing the past. However, when the switch is flipped and the realization dawns that preserving these lessons is in fact essential to future growth, both personal and professional, the idea of capturing these legacies permanently is born. And rather than simply transferring legacies through old-fashioned storytelling and word of mouth, today families can leverage technology to capture these valuable stories that otherwise would be lost when the oldest generation dies.

The biography of Steve Jobs did an excellent job of capturing many of his visionary beliefs. However, his 2005 Stanford University commencement speech, which which viral, allowed thousands of students to hear what really mattered to him: his emotional reminder that “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life” had an enormous impact on all who heard him.

On paper, the text of Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech is stirring, but the classic recording of “I have a dream” has the power to truly move us. In other words, the spoken and visual word is most powerful for conveying our legacy values.

A written ethical will in the form of a simple letter has the advantage of being free: anyone can do one and there are books and websites that provide advice on the topic. On the other hand, through video biographies, people can share their life stories, core values, beliefs and family origins in their own voices and likeness. No matter how talented the writer or how well — written the book, the emotions that are evoked from recounting a powerful memory can only be completely preserved by recording it for others to later see and hear.

Producing an ethical will on video has distinct advantages. Once you have worked through the process of identifying your deepest held and truest values, the definition of lessons learned over time, and perhaps even uncovered new themes that have shaped a life’s history, these stories and ideas can then be captured digitally for storytelling to be maintained in its most authentic form. An ethical will recorded on video allows loved ones to watch the face and hear the words of the storyteller without need for any kind of interpretation. The video acts as a critical thread tying together multiple generations, strengthening communication and understanding.

The recording of an ethical will is the last step of the process. Once you have gathered the factual data and consulted any living elders, you have the foundation of your ethical will which will allow you to preserve the compelling story of how the family legacy all began. You would then conduct a life review which allows you to understand your life story through a series of guided discussions before the recording stage. Ideally, this will be guided by a legacy consultant to help you to go one step deeper, to capture and flesh out your values, beliefs and lessons learned, based on your own history. This becomes the foundation of your ethical will ~ legacy of values.

Talking about past generations and capturing the defining moments of a lifetime – the highs and lows, challenges and triumphs – will identify the most relevant stories and ideas that should be preserved. When you have completed this guided process, you are ready to be interviewed and record these ideas and reflections on video. And by using this format to preserve your legacy, you are creating a record that will be meaningful through a means that cannot help but be more powerful and make more impact than a simple letter, however well written.

 

The Benefits of Preparing Your Legacy of Values

Not only does the act of creating a video legacy capture key beliefs and values for future generations, it also has a significant impact on the subject since it requires deep reflection on what truly matters. The process is “emotional, reflective, insightful and deep,” according to Susan Portnoy, President of Organized Success who created such a video and presented it to her family on her 60th birthday. An ethical will on video is more frequently becoming the method of choice to preserve families’ non-financial legacy. According to Greg Rogers, President of RayLign Advisory LLC, it was a great relief to know that his beliefs were “preserved for future generations to see and internalize.” The video format is the ultimate method to preserve these values in ways that allow for the messages to be communicated directly and authentically, without degradation or reinterpretation over time.

As mentioned, the reasons why an individual chooses to begin this process may vary, and are often as a result of a significant event or milestone.The positive impact of recording an ethical will is clear, both on those who narrate the stories and on those who receive this wisdom.

For the person recording his or her reflections, it is an opportunity to celebrate and define what has been meaningful:

  • In some cases to even articulate a purpose and give form to a lifetime by putting it into a larger framework and perspective.
  • It promotes open communication with the important people in an individual’s life through the clarification of values, convictions, priorities and goals. In best case scenarios, the act of creating such a powerful legacy can even result in a healing of the past: where conflicts are resolved and the storyteller finds or offers forgiveness and peace.

For those who view these legacies, it is impossible to overstate their value. An ethical will recorded by a loved one, whether still living or not, is an irreplaceable source of wisdom:

  • It is an expression of values that may act as guideposts to those who follow.
  • Indirectly, it provides a sense of security in knowing one’s place in the generational chain and in being part of something greater than just the present.
  • Sharing these legacies improves communication and deepens relationships, sometimes with clear messages directly from the storytellers that eventually help grieving and healing.
  • Because they are narrated in the first person, they act to reinforce and strengthen memory, continuity and connection for all those within the family.

 

THE GIBB FAMILY STORY

Recently, a newly formed family office decided it was time to create an ethical will: there had been a liquidity of a part of the family business, which created the need to move the family records and financial affairs to a separate family office. The external CEO who had been hired had as her first task the preservation and recording of the family history and mission, vision and values for establishing the office’s financial and logistical tools.

She chose to have elder family members record this on video to capture the stories, values and beliefs, as well as including other information from their personal archives. So at a critical time for this family, the establishment of a new family office, they took the time to review their roots and preserve their non-financial legacy. All too often family offices establish all their services and structure the organization first, and then lastly as a final piece in the puzzle, begin to consider their history, story and values.

To preserve the history first when establishing an office is to honor the past and give the opening some context: the opening becomes a new milestone, while using the valuable lessons learned from the past are an important influence for future actions.

 

Donor Legacy Captured for Philanthropists

With respect to family philanthropy, the process of producing an ethical will as a donor legacy document can offer important guidance. Through a careful reflection of the past and what have been the guiding principles of earlier generations’ philanthropy, the mission, vision and values of the foundations is important to preserve as a path for stewards to follow. In the case of family businesses that have established philanthropy this story becomes much clearer. Suddenly, “why we do what we do (philanthropically)” takes on deeper meaning as shown through the lens of family history, beliefs and charitable intentions.

 

THE MARTIN WILLARD STORY

The adult children of Martin Willard, a 73 year-old, second-generation family business owner, wanted to capture the legacy of their father and grandfather who had started the business 85 years before. Before starting the life review process, they were asked if there were any questions they wanted their father to answer. One daughter asked, “Why does our family foundation give a $100,000 donation each year to juvenile diabetes when none of us or our children have the disease?” The foundation had a long tradition of giving to this cause but no one knew why. After filming stories of his life and the history of the family business, the interview turned to donor legacy. When asked his daughter’s question, his response was astounding.

Martin was born during the Depression. His father died when he was a toddler and his mother died of cardiac problems when he was 17. While mourning her death, he learned that she had lost her first child—a boy born three years before him— to juvenile diabetes for which there was no cure. He was shocked, since he had always thought he was the eldest. After this loss his mother was never the same, and likely died due to a broken heart.

He started working in the family business and vowed he would always contribute to help find a cure for juvenile diabetes so that no other mother would suffer the same fate. And that was why the foundation gave every year to that cause. Martin’s spellbinding story was now preserved for all time.

When Martin’s children saw his legacy video, there was surprised shock, moving them to tears. They called a foundation board meeting to amend the by-laws so that juvenile diabetes would always be supported. This knowledge of family history was very powerful. A long lost family secret was revealed and it allowed the family to bond more firmly in its philanthropic mission.

 

Conclusion

The importance of the preservation of memories and the ideas that were our greatest influences has become a topic of growing interest in recent years, even being the subject of articles in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal and other print and electronic media. The International Institute for Reminiscence and Life Review was founded in 1999, with a primary goal being to “promote increased awareness, knowledge, and skill development in direct practice of reminiscence and life review.” In other words, it has become popularly accepted that there is significant value in this process of looking back and in capturing the learnings that can be employed going forward.

When individuals decide that they wish to preserve their legacies, they invariably begin by telling their own stories. They recount the history as it is best known to them through their reminiscences and recollections. Richard B. wanted his kids to understand why they were raised the way they were. Marlene S. was gratified to be able to tell the story of a 180-year-old Bible that belonged to her great-grandfather and how she received it. Carol M. documented traditional recipes served every Thanksgiving. Michael R. understood the need to communicate his thoughts on wealth stewardship and spirituality to his successors.

All of us attempt to lead our lives from an authentic place: living according to our values and what’s considered important. Life is manifest through patterns of that which is important, an expression of our values and beliefs. This is what is most important to be left as a legacy: the values that are worth preserving more than valuables to next generations. And the sensitive, attentive digital recording of these values guarantees that your true legacy will be passed on for years to come, an irreplaceable and unforgettable gift.

Mitzi Perdue: Strengthening Your Family Legacy

If I could highlight one word to describe Mitzi Perdue it would be authentic. Warm, graceful and genuine, her achievements during her life and career are impressive. Wife of Frank Perdue (Perdue Farms) and daughter of business titan Ernest Henderson (co-founder of Sheraton Hotel chain) Mitzi is a powerful businesswoman in her own right. She is a visionary entrepreneur with interests and talents that are as varied as they are interesting – computer programmer, software developer, television and radio show host, author, egg decorator (yes!) and wine grape supplier to name just a few.

But her passion lies at the very heart of her large business empire(s)—a core value of FAMILY.

Combining the Sheraton and Perdue empires longevity, Mitzi’s leadership propagates the legacy of 224 years of families in business staying together. Her mission is to keep it thriving for generations to come. Her experiences and insights into highly successful businesses’ cultures empower her as an expert in helping business families break the “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations” cycle.

“When a family business has a strong culture,” her late husband Frank Perdue used to say, “family members are willing to work hard for something higher and more important than just ego or money: the family.”

 

ETHICAL WILLS AND OTHER TOOLS

Over the years Mitzi has developed many tools and traditions to help guide her family’s ongoing business and family successes. A master storyteller, she continuously preserves her families’ stories, histories and values for the benefit of the next generations of family business successors.

Her strategies are a thoughtful and creative combination of education: all family members – no matter how young – must learn about the family business. Using ethical wills to impart the wisdom and lessons learned from elders and from those who came before actively shape the values of new generations. She believes ethical wills can play a role in helping the young family members to grow up to have happy, productive lives of meaning.

Being the inspirational “shoemaker with her own shoes”, naturally Mitzi has written ethical wills she has gifted to her family. She has written one for her children and one separately for her grandchildren, to share her finest wisdom with the intended reader.

Mitzi has also created a road map to embed a positive business culture within business families in her book “How to Communicate Values to Children so They’ll Love it”. Ever mindful of passing on core family values, proposed activities in the book – such as the Magician’s Kit– create monthly opportunities for children and parents to bond and learn.

 

LOOKING TO THE FUTURE

Creating family cohesiveness throughout the generations is what Mitzi is all about. Her tips on growing a family firm offer a wealth of practical and actionable knowledge from which family business owners (and everyone!) can benefit.

The essential lesson here is that Mitzi Perdue is not leaving the future to chance. With purpose and intention she is guiding her family and other family businesses towards success and happiness with the help of Ethical Wills. As Mitzi says, “Want Those Who Come After You to Be Happy? Write an Ethical Will! Lack of values can make children vulnerable to destructive behaviors, can turn heirs into playboys and can accelerate the arc of “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.”

With the countless family businesses that have collaborated with Memoirs to record their Legacy of Values and the experience and insights that I have been blessed to receive – I couldn’t have said it better.

‘Til death do us part

Allie: Do you think our love, can take us away together?
Duke: I think our love can do anything we want it to.
Allie: I love you.
Duke: I love you, Allie.
Allie: Good night.
Duke: Good night. I’ll be seeing you.

 

So ends the life-long love story of Noah and Allie, expertly penned by Nicholas Sparks in the bestseller The Notebook. It is a bittersweet moment and brings the audience to tears. At this end of both the book and the movie, the main characters pass away. Yet it can be an uplifting ending, as we feel comforted that they get to do so together, in a loving embrace, on their own terms.

There are numerous accounts of long-time, married couples dying within minutes, hours or days of each other. More common are the stories of long-time, inseparable couples passing away within several months of each other.

We now know that dying of a broken heart is very real and that deep love is powerful enough to keep couples together in life, and in death. In fact, it is considered one of the best-documented examples of social relations on health. (Christakis and Elwert, University of Wisconsin, 2008).

In loving memory of my parents, Shirley and Nate.

For the family members left behind, the death of a beloved mother or father is always a devastating blow. But the death of the second parent so close in time to the first comes with special meaning of its own. In addition to overwhelming grief, feelings of vulnerability increase. It can intensify our childhood memories and force us to ask one of greatest of life’s questionswhat is the meaning of it all?

The legacy of wisdom, values and stories passed to us by our parents cannot adequately replace the hole left in one’s heart after their passing. It can, however, provide peace, guidance and hope during the dark days of grief. Our parents’ visions, dreams and lessons-learned (and shared) can serve as beacons in navigating the days, weeks and months following their death.

There is solace and comfort to be found with the concept that their love was so strong it didn’t know the bounds of life and death. There is a simple beauty in the end of a story in which the loose ends aren’t just tied up, but are bound together for eternity.

I recently lost my father (Nate Wagner died at 95) and subsequently my mother (Shirley Wagner died at 90) passed just a few months later. It does offer me much comfort that I had them as a very important part of my life for so much of my adulthood.  This blog post is dedicated to their beloved souls bound up in eternity. I miss them both dearly everyday.

 

P.S. On July 1st Canada celebrated its’ 150th Anniversary of Confederation with lots of festivities and fireworks across the country. It is amazing to think that Canada was only 55 years old when my Dad was born and the 20th century history he witnessed in his 95-year lifetime. Happy Birthday Canada!

Virtual Reality – A New Frontier for Legacy

Have you ever looked through old photos of loved-ones who are deceased and wondered where the pictures were taken or which family members were in it? As a friend recently discovered after her grandmother passed away, this predicament left her frustrated and saddened. There was no one left who had the knowledge about these family archives.

VR to the rescue

Imagine sitting around the Thanksgiving table and reminiscing about Grandpa’s old war stories  when you realize no one remembers where he was stationed during the war. Now imagine being able to ask Grandpa and get the answer directly from his likeness. Not long ago we would have thought this only possible in the realm of science fiction, but with the development of Virtual Reality (VR) technologies it is now closer to being attained than ever before.

Photo via TED, Duncan Cheng.

Photo via TED, Duncan Cheng.

Coming soon

Performance artist Gabriel Barcia-Colombo, creator of The Hereafter Institute, offers virtual reality reconstructions to deceased loved-ones.This experience allows living family members to step into a reconstructed scene with their deceased loved-ones and listen to the retelling of  memories pertaining to the dearly-departed. It leaves users with the feeling of being with their loved-one, connecting to the sights, sounds and stories that are cherished.

When asked if his art could become a viable company, Barcia-Colombo concedes it does serve a useful purpose. “I am hoping the Hereafter Institute (will) make us think about the ever present role of technology in planning future memorials and rituals – how we want to be remembered.”

VR and legacy preservation

At Memoirs Productions, we use today’s cutting-edge technology– drone shooting and 4K High Definition video– to record and preserve our productions on archival DVDs. This enables future generations to see and hear the stories told by their loved-ones. Add the gestures and unique body language that VR allows one to see, hear, and feel and soon we will be able to offer an immersive legacy experience beyond anything thought possible only a few years ago.

VR technology is advancing to the point where we will record stories and personal responses to specific questions so that future generations will be able to interact with their ancestors. We can imagine sitting beside Grandpa and have him directly answer the question about where he was stationed during the war.

What better way could there be to learn from those who are dearly departed than to hear their stories while we are “sitting in the same room”? We are looking forward to working in Virtual Reality technology with families that are passionate about legacy preservation. We’ll keep you posted…

Back to School, A Special Moment in Life!

Depending on where you live, the month of August or before or after the Labor Day holiday mark the beginning of the school year. It is the end of summer and time for families with children to embrace the routine of school life. More than birthdays and anniversaries that are celebrated on different dates for each family member, the return to classes is one day of the year when we stop, observe and chronicle the passage of time for our children. This past week Facebook’s news feed has been filled with similar photos of students and their siblings standing dressed in their new outfits with backpacks on, ready to go.

 

Each year at this time connotes a benchmark of growth, both in size and in maturity. Although traditionally we remind you to write a Legacy Letter around the holidays, this time of year lends itself very well to write a short note to each child. You can save these letters for them to read perhaps at the end of high school or college, a milestone in their education. It can contain words of encouragement, your hopes and dreams for them, as well as how you have seen them grow from one year to the next. This process can be a rewarding collection for both parent and child. Whether they are just starting out in kindergarten or already in their last year of high school, it’s never too late to take the time to mark the passing of these precious moments.

 

Congratulations to Mom and Dad. You survived the summer! Hope it was a great one. We wish all new and returning students a wonderful school year filled with life-wisdom and joy!

“Chilling” in the Summer: Reflecting on One’s Life and Legacy…

Summer is here and with it come BBQs, pool and deck parties, and family reunions. Seize these long summer days and evenings as wonderful opportunities to celebrate a loved one before you ‘have to’. We would like to propose an easy, fun way to take advantage of this time.

Around the table — or the campfire

It can be true that we mostly take the time to reflect on the qualities, experiences and legacy of loved-ones when grave health concerns arise or they pass away. But why wait? Sharing our thoughts and perspectives of cherished-ones may be more beneficial when we can do it together.

Seize the opportunity while around the picnic table or the campfire to celebrate an honoured attendee. Today we’ll call her Gail. Explaining that the group is going to take turns sharing a memory, a quality or piece of wisdom they have learned from Gail. To begin the conversation ask questions like: What impact has Gail had on your life? What has she taught you? What do you admire most about her?

family picnicGail, in the meantime, might be a bit uncomfortable. That’s OK! Reassure her that she’s loved and respected and also to just sit back, relax (if she can) and ENJOY! Place your smartphone with the voice memo ON and off you go!

Lead off the conversation yourself. This way, you can put people at ease before you pass the baton to the next person. Don’t let anyone skip out! Even just a brief answer can be as meaningful or poignant as any longer story told.

You’ll be surprised at how most people look forward to their turn to share. If someone gets tongue-tied, as may happen with younger children, gently guide them with questions. Ask them an alternative type of question such as, “Is it fun to hang out when Gail is around?”. That way they’re sure to feel included.

Trust us on this one

The trend of living funerals (also known as pre-funeral) is proof-positive that communicating what is meaningful is best done when you can tell someone directly and with purpose. Of course, that is not always possible. After leading this exercise with her extended family following her grandmother’s funeral, a friend shared that she was repetitively thanked for starting the exercise, which created an opportunity for everyone to voice their love and lessons learned from Grandma.

Lightning round

Back to Gail. When everyone has spoken and the circle has come back to you, thank everyone and announce one final, speedy turn around the table. Depending on Gail’s personality, invite everyone to share something “typical of Gail.” Whether it’s one of the dozens of sayings she likes to quote or is known to say, or a description of her most memorable outfit, ask participants to shout out their favorite. Get ready for some hearty laughter and don’t be surprised if you wind up going up around the table twice!

Don’t delay. Summer is almost over!

‘Just because’ is more than reason enough to get the stories told and recorded.

Talk To Me…and the Whole Internet?!

Arianna Huffington’s daughter Christina is the creator and executive producer of the newly released Talk to Me project on the HuffPost blog. Endeavoring to become a movement, Talk to Me encourages children and their parents to do just that – talk to each other – with the added twist of broadcasting their conversations using Facebook Live.

When I learned about the project, which launched April 4th, my initial reaction was positive. What’s not to like about parents and kids talking to each other and recording it for future generations? (That’s what Memoirs is all about!) The more I thought about it though, the more I wondered about the “live aspect. Sure, it’s a fine way for Facebook to promote its new feature and a great collaboration between two media empires, but what did that have to do with private conversations between family members?

Talk to me

The Pros

Any encouragement for Millennials to lift their heads from their devices and engage in face to face conversation is wonderful. In a world where parents ask their kids what they want to eat for lunch using text messaging, sitting down face-to-face and asking meaningful questions (and getting meaningful answers) seems a rare occurrence. In fact, since the majority of us are less practiced when it comes to meaningful conversations, Talk to Me offers the same great list of questions that personal historians use to capture life stories and get the conversation rolling.

        • Tell me something you’ve never told me.

        • What do you know now that you wish you knew when you were my age?

        • Tell me the story of the happiest moment you’ve ever had.

        • What is the hardest challenge you’ve faced in your life?

        • What’s the biggest lesson you’d like to pass onto future generations?

Although many celebrities such as Oprah Winfrey, Vin Diesel and Melinda Gates have posted their conversations, dozens of “regular” families have already participated as well. Using hashtag #TalkToMe and a promise to share their favorites, Huffington Post has featured several conversations on their website. Featured topics include sensitive areas like divorce, autism and LGBTQ equality. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/favorite-moments-from-talk-to-me-series_us_57032680e4b0a06d5806bc6b

 

The Cons

It is clear that, through the lens of shared experience, the featured Talk to Me conversations revolve around topics whose discussions are of benefit to others. Listening to stories of struggles and discovering we are not alone – or better yet, gleaning insight and solutions to our own issues –  is a good thing.

Recording conversations with loved ones to be preserved for future generations to learn from is also a good thing.

If people have these conversations live, and post them for the world to see and share (using Facebook Live and the #TalkToME hashtag) the “sacred” project starts to lose personal and confidential value. In the digital era, where nothing seems off limits for an online post, aren’t there certain conversations that should remain private?

In his book The Unwanted Gaze: The Destruction of Privacy in America, legal scholar Jeffrey Rosen examines the deep correlation between the time that it takes to get to know each other and the manner in which it is done. True knowledge of another person is the culmination of a slow process of mutual revelation. It requires the gradual setting aside of social masks, the incremental building of trust, which leads to the exchange of personal disclosures. It cannot be rushed…In a world of short attention spans, privacy is necessary to protect us from the misjudgments that can result from the exposure of too much information as well as too little information.”

 

Neither Pro Nor Con

Talk to Me, in essence, stands for everything that is beneficial about sharing important conversations with our families. Using social websites in this way has farther reaching consequences than intended. Video posting might be integral to online sharing– but the price of making private moments public may be too high to pay for 5 minutes of fame on Huffington Post.

We encourage you, as always, to have these conversations! And by all means record them and share with future generations of your family. If your children are still too young to engage meaningfully, you can always enlist the help of a personal historian to facilitate. Either way, strengthening the bonds between family members through the communication of stories and wisdom is well worth preserving.

What do you think? Should private family conversations be take place live on the internet?

Iris blogs on the Irish (ancestors that is…)

Woven intricately into the fabric of life stories are the threads that link us to the dearly departed: our ancestors. Whether we live in the country they once immigrated to, follow the customs of a culture they married into, or simply bear a physical resemblance to a family member from the past – our lives are invariably tied to those who came before.

Some families have been diligent about preserving the ancestral record keeping. Many of us are interested in learning more about our roots and are faced with the daunting task of doing the research. Before access to the Internet it entailed trying to track down and gain access to county or religious records. This work was usually done in-person and often involved travelling to or communicating with a different country, when immigration was involved. Once located, it was tireless work to manually sift through the paper trail.

Now, with the rise of online genealogical websites such as Ancestry.com (which even allows you to submit a DNA sample to help your search!), much of this research can be done in the comfort of our own homes.

Get ready for Saint Patrick’s Day

For those looking to discover their Irish roots FindMyPast.com, a genealogy hub, has indexed the entire National Library of Ireland’s records collection by name, year and place. Even images of the original documents can be accessed by following online links. “In less than five years, we have made over 110 million records (with 300 million names) available online for the first time,” says Brian Donovan, Irish records expert at Find My Past.

Example of parish records

One of the best reasons to use a website like Find My Past is that their collection of digitized documents goes beyond the parish records. “In addition to birth, death and marriage records, we have historic newspaper archives, petty court records, dog license applications and loads more besides,” says Donovan.

From the past to the present

The true gift that these kinds of records offer goes beyond the names and dates on a registry and completing stories of who our ancestors were. As researchers of an Emory University study found, family stories are beneficial as they provide individuals with a sense of identity through time. They offer us, in a nutshell, a small piece of the puzzle of who we are today.

If you’re curious to find out more about your Irish ancestors now is the time to dig a little further: using FindMyPast.com is free from 9am Tuesday March 1 to 9am on Tuesday March 8, 2016.

Happy Searching!

Black History Month, A Celebration of Life: The StoryCorps Griot

February 1st marks the beginning of Black History Month, a time we give special attention to learning about the contributions, history and life stories of African Americans. One great resource to help us celebrate this month is The StoryCorps Griot Initiative.

Unique to Western Africa, a Griot (pronounced gree-oh) is a genealogist, a historian, a storyteller – who passes down family and community history to the next generation. In this spirit, StoryCorps spent a year (2007-2008) travelling around the US with their mobile recording booth recording and preserving the life stories of African American families.

StoryCorps Griot participants

StoryCorps Griot participants

The Griot recordings are archived at the American Folklife Center (AFC) at the Library of Congress. This ensures that these invaluable stories are not only preserved but also presented with dignity. Many of these recordings are available on YouTube (type “Storycorps Griot” into the search engine). Here are a couple of favorites we recommend. Enjoy!

 

Brigadier General Robert Crear

BG General Robert Crear, commanding General of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is interviewed in his hometown of Vicksburg, MS. The General speaks about his desire, at an early age, to become a successful member of the army, his projects in the Corps of Engineers and his current position as the first African American President of the Mississippi River Commission.

 

Charles Blue Sr.

Charles J. Blue Sr. is interviewed by his son about his personal history that led him to become a church organist and choir director. Notably, his interaction and involvement with Dr. Martin King Luther Jr.’s march in Greensboro and his involvement in the Civil Rights Movement is discussed.

 

Coincidentally, this month the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has highlighted in their Oscar awards the African American presence by having Chris Rock host and including numerous presenters. Enjoy the Oscar buzz!