The Unspoken ‘I Love You’: How Families Express Love Without Words

Valentine’s Day is filled with roses, chocolates, and heartfelt messages. But love—real, lasting love—goes far beyond the grand gestures. It’s often found in the quiet, everyday moments that don’t make it into greeting cards. In many families, I love you isn’t always spoken. Instead, it’s passed down through traditions, small actions, and even the meals we share.

A father who scrapes the ice off his daughter’s windshield before she wakes up. A grandmother who never lets anyone leave her house without a full belly and a container full of left overs. A sibling who sends a text that simply says, Thinking of you. These gestures may not seem like much, but they speak volumes.

Love, in its truest form, is in the details. Some families express it through food—handwritten recipes stained with years of use, a signature dish that makes everyone feel at home. Others pass it down through rituals—Sunday dinners, morning phone calls, the way a mother always waits at the window until her child is safely inside.

This Valentine’s Day, instead of focusing only on romance, take a moment to recognize the quieter forms of love in your life. And more importantly—preserve them.

Because love, like legacy, is often best remembered in the stories we tell.

Think back to the moments of unspoken love in your own family. Capture them in words, a letter, a recording—so that long after the last meal is shared, the last text sent, and the last light left on, the love that shaped you will still be there, ready to be passed on.

A Decade Later: Why Legacy Letters Matter More Than Ever

Ten years ago, I shared the idea of writing a legacy letter—a heartfelt message filled with stories, values, and love for children and grandchildren. Back then, it was a simple invitation to pause and reflect on what truly matters. Today, that invitation feels more urgent than ever.

In a world brimming with digital noise and fleeting interactions, the power of both writing and receiving a written letter stands apart. It’s a gift of permanence in an uncertain world, an act of intention that says, “I see you, I know you and I love you.” As we launch into another year, let’s welcome this practice—not as a task, but as an opportunity.

A legacy letter reflects on the past year, capturing the moments, lessons, and values that have shaped you. It examines who you’ve become and shares in the hope that your experiences and insights will be of service to the reader, now and in the future. 

Beyond the message itself, writing a legacy letter has two profound effects. 

  1. Sharing our stories and experiences brings us closer to one another today. It creates a sense of vulnerability and authenticity between ourselves and the reader. When we become emotionally transparent about our lives, highlighting our joys, struggles, lessons, and values—we invite them into our world. This exchange fosters empathy and understanding, deepening our connections.
  2. It is also a gift to yourself, as self-reflection is a powerful practice. Taking this time of introspection allows us to find clarity, gain perspective, and in doing so, we not only share who we are but also deepen our understanding of ourselves and our values.

Early in this year, I invite you to sit with a pen and paper—or your keyboard—and write something deeply personal. Recount your joys, challenges, the lessons you’ve learned, and the dreams you hold for your loved ones. Be as honest and heartfelt as you can. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be real.

For those who aren’t parents, consider writing to nieces, nephews, godchildren, or anyone whose life you have touched. A legacy letter is more than words on a page—it’s a permanent hug, a gift that will outlast trends and transcend time.

Reflect, write, and share. The love and wisdom you capture now will echo for generations to come. 

Wishing you and yours a meaningful and joyful New Year.
Be well, go safely.

Legacy as a Living Bond: Finding Connection Through Reflection

When you hear the word legacy, you probably think of something left behind—like a gift for future generations. But here’s something surprising: reflecting on your own values and life stories doesn’t just benefit the future—it can create stronger, more meaningful relationships today.

The end of the year (or the start of a new one) is the perfect time to pause and reflect. When we share our stories and life lessons, we give the people around us a window into who we are. Think about the last time you told a funny childhood memory or shared a lesson you learned the hard way. Didn’t it spark a connection? Maybe it led to laughter or an “ah-ha” moment that brought you closer to someone.

Science backs this up. Studies show that self-reflection helps us understand ourselves and strengthens the bonds we have with others (American Psychological Association, 2021). When we open up about what has shaped us—whether it’s a family tradition, a mistake that taught us resilience, or the values that guide us—we’re not just sharing facts. We’re building empathy and a sense of shared history.

In fact, research reveals that nearly 7 out of 10 people feel a stronger sense of belonging when they talk openly about their experiences and values (Pew Research, 2022). At a time when real connection can feel harder to find, reflecting on your life and sharing those reflections is like offering an invitation: This is who I am. Let’s understand each other better.

Recently my husband shared a remarkable childhood story with his three year old grandson who is presently learning how to swim but mostly wants to just fool around in the water. When my husband was almost four years old on holiday with his family in Saranac Lake, New York, without telling anyone where he was going he had walked into the lake, without knowing how to swim, wearing his baseball cap. Fortunately, his father suddenly spotted his baseball cap floating – with him under it– drowning! The next day, he was enrolled in swimming lessons. His grandson was wide-eyed and asked why he did that. His response was, “I wanted to go for a walk into the water, but I learned quickly that you have to learn how to swim before you try any water activities”. Since hearing that story, his grandson is taking swimming lessons much more seriously. And as an aside, later in life my husband became Head of Waterfront at a summer camp!

Legacy work isn’t just about leaving behind a record of your life. It’s about creating a bridge—a way to connect with those you love on a deeper level. And isn’t that what we all want? To feel seen, heard, and truly known?

So, as the year winds down, take a moment to reflect on your journey. Share a story. Pass on a piece of wisdom. You might be surprised at how it strengthens the relationships that matter most to you right now.

 

Tales That Bind: The Importance of Sharing Family Stories with Kids

I was reading The Atlantic article “What Kids Learn From Hearing Family Stories,” recently and it reaffirmed my strong belief that family stories and lore are very powerful. They are truly special moments (that need to be preserved!) when families get together and share tales from the past. These stories—whether funny, heartfelt, or even bittersweet—do more than just entertain or pass the time. They help shape how children see themselves and their environment. 

When kids hear about their parents’ or ancestors’ experiences, struggles, and triumphs, they begin to understand that they’re part of an intergenerational legacy. Sharing these stories connects them to their family’s history, offering a sense of continuity and belonging. As The Atlantic highlights, this can be essential in helping children develop a strong sense of identity.

Family stories also tend to carry life lessons. Whether it’s a grandparent’s perseverance through hard times or an uncle’s act of generosity, these tales often reveal what is valued within the family. Kids pick up on these lessons naturally, without feeling like they are being taught. Stories of overcoming adversity—whether they are about immigration, financial struggles, or personal setbacks—they all can build emotional resilience in kids. Children learn that challenges are part of life, but all hardships can be faced with courage, compassion and determination.

 

My beloved mom often shared the poignant story of her childhood in extreme poverty, where even owning a doll was an unimaginable luxury—especially with three brothers in tow! This perspective undoubtedly shaped her choices, like when I, as a little girl, was given a hand-me-down Barbie doll from an older cousin. Though we could have afforded a new one, my mom’s upbringing instilled in her the belief that it simply wasn’t necessary. Through her approach to hand-me-downs, I realize now she instilled in me that financial well-being isn’t about spending lavishly but about making thoughtful, intentional decisions that reflect your values and priorities.

Perhaps most importantly, sharing family stories creates connections between generations. When children hear stories about their grandparents or great-grandparents, they realize they are part of a multi-generational legacy. This connection deepens family bonds and gives kids a sense of belonging that stretches beyond the immediate family circle. This is especially helpful in today’s world, where families often live far apart, and it is easy to forget that we belong to something bigger. These stories bridge the gap between distance and time, reminding us of the shared history that keeps us connected.

So the next time you tell, or even better, record a family story, remember—you are not just sharing a memory. You are giving your kids and grandkids insight into understanding who they are and how they fit into the world.

Reframing Legacy: The Subtle Shift from “Not Forgetting” to “Remembering”

Our Mothers: Bless them all!

Today would be my beloved Mom Shirley Wagner’s birthday. I dedicate this blog in memory of her. 

 

As Mother’s Day approaches this year, it is a perfect time to reflect on the profound impact our mothers have had on our lives. From nurturing us in our earliest days to guiding us through life’s challenges, their influence is undeniable. Mothers are unparalleled in their ability to offer unconditional love and care. From the moment we arrive, they embrace us with tenderness and support, guiding us through life’s ups and downs.

Mothers play a pivotal role in shaping our values and beliefs through both their actions and teachings during our formative years. From the simple act of leading by example to more deliberate conversations, they instill in us the principles that guide our decisions and interactions with the world.

Reflecting on our own experiences with our mothers, memories flood our minds. Whether it’s the comforting embrace during a difficult time or the gentle guidance through life’s uncertainties, their presence has been a constant source of strength and reassurance.

I lost my beloved Mother a few years ago, and still miss her and think of her each and every day. She was an amazing Mom all my life, but especially in our adult-adult relationship– she was my very best friend. The life wisdom she imparted to me still guides me to this day. She was one very special woman and I am so grateful that she was my Mom! 

Expressing gratitude to our mothers is not only important but essential. They have dedicated their lives to nurturing, supporting, and guiding us, often making countless sacrifices along the way. On Mother’s Day, consider meaningful gestures to demonstrate your gratitude. Whether it’s a heartfelt letter or a poem, a thoughtful gift, or simply spending quality time together, the key is to make it personal and heartfelt.

As Mother’s Day approaches, let’s take time to reflect on and appreciate the indispensable role of our own mothers. For those whose mothers are no longer with us, let’s cherish their memory and the lasting impact they’ve had on our lives. Whether through fond memories, cherished traditions, or quiet moments of reflection, let’s honor their legacy and express gratitude for the love and support they provided.

We love you Moms! Happy Birthday Shirley! 

Happy, Healthy wishes to all Mothers on Mother’s Day 2024! 

Grandmother and grand-daughter

Unlocking Conversational Treasures: The Grandparent-Grandchild “Ask Me Anything”

In the tapestry of life, there’s a unique thread woven with laughter, wisdom, and endless love—the bond between grandparents and grandchildren. This relationship, often described as one of life’s greatest treasures, holds the key to a wealth of untold stories and valuable lessons shared. It’s the connection that transcends generations, nurturing the roots of our family tree.

But have you ever considered asking your grandchildren to interview you? Akin to conducting an “Ask Me Anything” (AMA) session with a real-life sage—you.

In today’s fast-paced world, where the answers to any question are often just a click away, the art of conversing — even with grandparents — sometimes takes a back seat. However, there’s magic in those conversations that cannot be replicated by searching online.

We recently directed and recorded an AMA interview session between a 70+ year old client and his young adult 20+ year old grandchild. My crew and I were all moved by the profound impact of the experience, as we watched it unfold for them. As they embarked on their AMA journey, we discovered an even deeper connection and a newfound appreciation that was evident for each other.

Grandmother and grand-daughter

The questions asked were not just about the past but also about aspirations, dreams, life lessons and hopes for the future. The result? An amazing recorded video conversation – originally intended to be 30-40 minutes, ended up being close to 90 minutes– and it all felt like 5 minutes! The discussions, touching moments, and even shared laughter left an indelible mark on both of them, as they told me afterwards. And without any prompting from me– the grandchild declared how grateful he was to now have this legacy video as something to show his grandchildren one day!

So, dear grandparents, consider this: seize the opportunity to invite your grandchildren to embark on their own “Ask Me Anything” adventure with you. Let the magic of storytelling and shared experiences bridge the generational gap. Encourage them to capture these precious moments using their smartphone cameras, for in the years to come, these recordings will be cherished heirlooms (as long as they remember to back them up)!

In a world of constant change, the bond between grandparents and grandchildren remains a steadfast anchor. It’s a timeless connection that only grows richer with each shared story. Embrace the unique opportunity to have your grandchildren ask you about your life, for your words are more than answers—they are the keys to understanding your family’s legacy.

Bird’s-Eye View

If you haven’t already seen the spectacular footage shot by Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAV) or  drone cameras you are in for a real treat! With their superior stability and breathtaking vantage points, there is no doubt the footage they capture is a cutting edge look at the future of film making.

A new offering in Memoirs’ documentary video productions is that we are recording private client’s homes and investment properties often with breathtaking surroundings from the air. This footage allows us to capture a unique bird’s-eye perspective of these properties to have as an archive for future generations.

Over a decade ago, an ultra-high net worth real estate developer client commented that his beloved, private-island log-cabin refuge, built with his own hands back in the 1960’s, had been lovingly captured using commissioned paintings and photographs. They covered the land and water perspectives, but now drone technology would surely have been a welcomed video archive addition to his collection!

We invite you to view our exclusive drone footage compilation (below). Running at 1 minute 30 seconds, it offers a peek at the truly amazing imagery Memoirs Productions is currently capturing with drones.

Enjoy!

 

 

PS: Our use of drones is highlighted in the June 13, 2016 Wall Street Journal article Financial Firms Offer a New Service to Wealthy Clients: Family History. Kindly click to read.

Your Digital Legacy – Think Before You Post!

The desire to be remembered is both elemental and universal. Since time immemorial oral histories, diaries, memoirs and more recently, photographs and video have been used to preserve the memories of their authors. Today, we collect and curate our memorabilia more extensively than ever before. By doing this we not only preserve our memories, but in addition our online activity is actually recording present-day living.

Andy Warhol was once noted for saying “In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.” In his 2013 TED Talk Your Online Life, Permanent as a Tattoo, Futurist Juan Enriquez posits, what if Warhol had that backwards? What if, due to our online activity, all we get is 15 minutes of anonymity? It’s an interesting premise and one well worth examining.

Enriquez calls our digital footprint ‘electronic tattoos’. Like permanent designs on our skin, our online activity tells a very detailed and intimate story of our lives. The main difference, however, is that electronic tattoos will outlive our physical bodies.

Traditional preservation methods have allowed the storyteller to tell his story in his own time and his own way. Now big data collected from our tens of thousands of online interactions permits those who have access to them to make decisions about us in real time. This has never happened at any other time in history. Our digital footprint is constantly being analysed and the data used to provide information about us for job and college applications, dating prospects, even shopping experiences, amongst a plethora of other purposes.

bionic woman

And no matter our caution, facial recognition software like Face.com purchased by Facebook in 2012, have databases with over 18 billion faces and allows our identification through photos potentially captured by third parties in public spaces. All this is recorded and potentially accessible forever.

With this in mind, Enriquez encourages us to follow these timeless lessons:

  1. Take care in what you post
  2. Don’t go looking too far into the past of those you love
  3. Remember the purpose of your posts
  4. Don’t “fall in love with your own reflection”

At the intersection of the need for privacy and the desire to be remembered lies the wisdom of knowing what we want to be remembered for and the discipline of leaving only that as our digital tattoo. With technology now active in people’s’ lives from birth, today’s challenge is to use this wisdom for ourselves. We need to teach the value of discretion and privacy as foresight to our families and to those who are unwise in this regard.

Remember- think before you post! Be wary of the digital legacy you leave…

Happy Holidays and Peace to all,

Iris and her team at Memoirs Productions