Summer is here and with it come BBQs, pool and deck parties, and family reunions. Seize these long summer days and evenings as wonderful opportunities to celebrate a loved one before you ‘have to’. We would like to propose an easy, fun way to take advantage of this time.

Around the table — or the campfire

It can be true that we mostly take the time to reflect on the qualities, experiences and legacy of loved-ones when grave health concerns arise or they pass away. But why wait? Sharing our thoughts and perspectives of cherished-ones may be more beneficial when we can do it together.

Seize the opportunity while around the picnic table or the campfire to celebrate an honoured attendee. Today we’ll call her Gail. Explaining that the group is going to take turns sharing a memory, a quality or piece of wisdom they have learned from Gail. To begin the conversation ask questions like: What impact has Gail had on your life? What has she taught you? What do you admire most about her?

Gail, in the meantime, might be a bit uncomfortable. That’s OK! Reassure her that she’s loved and respected and also to just sit back, relax (if she can) and ENJOY! Place your smartphone with the voice memo ON and off you go!

Lead off the conversation yourself. This way, you can put people at ease before you pass the baton to the next person. Don’t let anyone skip out! Even just a brief answer can be as meaningful or poignant as any longer story told.

You’ll be surprised at how most people look forward to their turn to share. If someone gets tongue-tied, as may happen with younger children, gently guide them with questions. Ask them an alternative type of question such as, “Is it fun to hang out when Gail is around?”. That way they’re sure to feel included.

Trust us on this one

The trend of living funerals (also known as pre-funeral) is proof-positive that communicating what is meaningful is best done when you can tell someone directly and with purpose. Of course, that is not always possible. After leading this exercise with her extended family following her grandmother’s funeral, a friend shared that she was repetitively thanked for starting the exercise, which created an opportunity for everyone to voice their love and lessons learned from Grandma.

Lightning round

Back to Gail. When everyone has spoken and the circle has come back to you, thank everyone and announce one final, speedy turn around the table. Depending on Gail’s personality, invite everyone to share something “typical of Gail.” Whether it’s one of the dozens of sayings she likes to quote or is known to say, or a description of her most memorable outfit, ask participants to shout out their favorite. Get ready for some hearty laughter and don’t be surprised if you wind up going up around the table twice!

Don’t delay. Summer is almost over!

‘Just because’ is more than reason enough to get the stories told and recorded.

Woven intricately into the fabric of life stories are the threads that link us to the dearly departed: our ancestors. Whether we live in the country they once immigrated to, follow the customs of a culture they married into, or simply bear a physical resemblance to a family member from the past – our lives are invariably tied to those who came before.

Some families have been diligent about preserving the ancestral record keeping. Many of us are interested in learning more about our roots and are faced with the daunting task of doing the research. Before access to the Internet it entailed trying to track down and gain access to county or religious records. This work was usually done in-person and often involved travelling to or communicating with a different country, when immigration was involved. Once located, it was tireless work to manually sift through the paper trail.

Now, with the rise of online genealogical websites such as Ancestry.com (which even allows you to submit a DNA sample to help your search!), much of this research can be done in the comfort of our own homes.

Get ready for Saint Patrick’s Day

For those looking to discover their Irish roots FindMyPast.com, a genealogy hub, has indexed the entire National Library of Ireland’s records collection by name, year and place. Even images of the original documents can be accessed by following online links. “In less than five years, we have made over 110 million records (with 300 million names) available online for the first time,” says Brian Donovan, Irish records expert at Find My Past.

Example of parish records

One of the best reasons to use a website like Find My Past is that their collection of digitized documents goes beyond the parish records. “In addition to birth, death and marriage records, we have historic newspaper archives, petty court records, dog license applications and loads more besides,” says Donovan.

From the past to the present

The true gift that these kinds of records offer goes beyond the names and dates on a registry and completing stories of who our ancestors were. As researchers of an Emory University study found, family stories are beneficial as they provide individuals with a sense of identity through time. They offer us, in a nutshell, a small piece of the puzzle of who we are today.

If you’re curious to find out more about your Irish ancestors now is the time to dig a little further: using FindMyPast.com is free from 9am Tuesday March 1 to 9am on Tuesday March 8, 2016.

Happy Searching!

Uncovering the life stories of our ancestors can help us answer many questions about who we are. They not only may be fascinating; they can provide valuable insights into our identity that cannot be answered by searching within oneself. The stories and archival documents from the past are also an invaluable resource for revealing our family’s medical history. Whether discussing it with our elders or combing records in search of important dates and names, it’s worth taking the time to look for clues that can help confirm or predict disorders for which we might be at risk.

In 2004, the Surgeon General declared Thanksgiving Day National Family History Day. At times when families gather, we are encouraged to talk about and record the health issues that have touched the family. But whether with beloved family members or newly discovered relatives, asking health-related questions can be a sensitive topic. “Why,” people will want to know “are you asking these questions?”

A STORY OF DISCOVERY

In 1993 Stanley M. Diamond, the founder of Jewish Records Indexing – Poland, learned through his nephew’s diagnosis that his Ashkenazi family with roots in Poland carries a newly identified mutation of beta thalassemia, a hereditary blood trait a gene concentrated in Jewish families with Sephardic roots. His  Beta-Thalassemia Project, now serves as a model for the link between genealogical research and the study of the evolution and spread of genetic diseases. He offers us some important advice on how to get the answers we need.

1.Researching your family’s medical history and making a genetic tree requires talking to everyone, and frequently more than once.

2. Don’t get caught wishing “If only!”. Talk with (and record) older generations now.

3. Face to face meetings are the best. When people have confidence in you, they are more likely to trust you with their medical history.

4. Allow the conversation to evolve. Don’t try to get all the information in one conversation.

5.  Carefully posing the medical/genetic question: How you say it and what you say should be tailored to your own comfort level and the nature of the reaction.

6.  Confidentiality must be respected; permission is necessary to share information.

Source: Genes and genealogy are different sides of a shared coin in personal history– JewishGen.org

RECORD AND SHARE

The Surgeon General has created an online tool, My Family Health Portrait, to help record your family’s health history. You can enter information, learn about risks for conditions that run within your family and share with your healthcare provider. Please remember confidentiality must be respected. It is helpful though, to let those we speak to understand this information can be valuable for others and to their future generations and respectfully ask for permission to share.

Research of this kind is also valuable to non-family members. After Diamond discovered his family carried a novel mutation of the Beta Thalassemia trait, it was revealed that another family in Jerusalem carries the identical mutation. It has since been revealed, with the help of The Beta-Thalassemia Project, that more than a few Ashkenazic families carry the trait and can be at risk for this disease — a fact previously unknown. Now Diamond’s research, which started from a desire to help his family, encourages other families to document their medical history and make better health decisions.

Whatever your reasons are for recording your family’s legacy – genealogical or genetic – we encourage you to ask questions with your elders before the opportunity is lost. And no need to wait for Thanksgiving – start today!

Thanksgiving is a special holiday – a day set aside for spending time with family and for giving thanks. Marking the beginning of what for some is the most hectic time of year, it’s a busy day filled with cooking turkey, Macy’s Parade and watching and/or playing football.

Perhaps the most important item on our long To-do list should be to take time at Thanksgiving to listen to our elders talk about family traditions and tell their stories. With today’s smartphones placed in the center of the dining table, it’s easy to either set up the video or voice memo (audio recording) options, or the StoryCorps app (see below) and then leave it running the whole time. Don’t forget to make sure it’s fully charged!

Preserving Family Stories

How do we get the conversation flowing? James (Jay) Hughes, renowned Family Consultant and author of Family Wealth: Keeping it in the Family and The Compact Among Generations, suggests going around the dining room table, starting with the youngest and moving up the family asking each person to share a story they remember of an older family member. When you think about that concept, the eldest telling a story of their elder to a grand or great-grandchild, can span and touch up to 250 years of a family’s history in a single sitting!

Around the Dining Room Table

Dave Isay, founder of StoryCorps (see our October Blog), believes that in these very conversations lies the bridge from the past to the future and with it a better understanding of who we are. This Thanksgiving, Isay aims to create a mass movement to capture the stories of elders (defined as 65+) across the US with The Great Thanksgiving Listen. He believes that recording the stories of this generation represents a wealth of wisdom and knowledge we can all benefit from and that must not be lost.

Once everyone has had their turn, invite elders to tell their own stories. If there’s hesitation or you’re unsure how to get started, Isay recommends asking the following questions in his TED article How to Unlock Your Family History:

• What was your childhood like?
• Tell me about the traditions that have been passed down through our family. How did they get started?
• What are your most vivid memories of school?
• How did you meet your spouse?
• What piece of wisdom or advice would you like to share with future generations?

Isay and we at Memoirs believe it is question number 5 that is the most important. “This is the person speaking to the future – directly to their great-great-great-grandkids – and letting them know what they’ve learned,” he says. It is one thing to know we need to ‘live life without regret’ or that we need to ‘spend enough time with the people we care about the most’. It can be an entirely different thing to hear it from someone close to you. “Their answer might just shake you up,” Isay says.

Get in on the Action

Although The Great Thanksgiving Listen is aimed at encouraging high school students to interview an elder, we encourage everyone to get in on the action. All you need is your smartphone (fully charged!) and the StoryCorps app. Simply download and follow the prompts. After pressing record, listen. After all, a story unheard is as good as a story untold.

Wishing you blessings of health, happiness and loving family times this Thanksgiving and always,

Iris and her team at Memoirs Productions