Ethical Wills in the Age of Coronavirus

As this Coronavirus has spread around the world, governments and citizens are operating on a day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes minute to minute basis. With that, the majority of us find ourselves in self-isolation. What was once normal life has been replaced with uncertainty, questions, and waiting for what will become of our lives of the past.

We are now living in a novel time in 2020…

Perhaps even a new “normal” …

With this comes threats (we hope minimal), and opportunities.

More than ever in our collective lifetimes we need to BREATHE! And also, look towards the opportunities!

We all want to know just how much the impact of the virus will have on our families, our jobs and businesses. We wait patiently to rejoin our loved ones that we don’t live with after the worry and fear of contagion subsides. Which it will. With all our hopes and dreams, caring for each other and pulling together as a global community—it will subside.

Most of us are confined to our homes for an unknown period of time. This presents us with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get projects done that we have put off in the past. “To Do” lists to keep busy and fill the days include: Spring cleaning, re-organizing kitchens & bathrooms, taking up old hobbies, writing, reading, binge-watching TV/Movies, etc. Perhaps it has some folks even retrieving old photo albums that were left in a box or attic or top shelf of a cupboard, in order to reminisce.

There just might be one task that you never had on your To-Do list that can easily become a most important accomplishment for you at the end of this home-stay experience…a task that your loved ones will thank you for and cherish long after self-isolation has passed. It is to produce in either written format, or in audio or video recording, your ethical will or legacy of values.

Back in 2015 Memoirs Productions published the industry standard white paper “Preserving Your Legacy of Values”. This paper is a deep-dive into the understanding of the process of ethical wills and specifically the power and impact that video ethical wills have for both the person recording it, and future generations who will view the production.

Right now is the right time to record your ethical will. To help you start the process we are re-launching our White Paper at this critical time. You can find it below in easy-to-read blog format and  can also download it in its full print format (with includes additional photos and graphics) by clicking here.

Most of us are becoming comfortable with videos on our phones and computers (Zoom, FaceTime, SKYPE, etc.) which enables us to take advantage of recording ourselves as a way of having meaningful time spent while in isolation. Lockdown is a perfect time for this opportunity!

The time to leave the spiritual legacy of recording your values, beliefs, lessons learned and other important messages for posterity is now.

Stay tuned for further information on “How to” …Coming soon.

Our thoughts are with you in the days and weeks ahead. Together, apart, we will get through Coronavirus stronger, healthier and wiser.

Happy Passover and Happy Easter!

Be well, go safely!

Iris Wagner

WHITE PAPER: Preserving Your Legacy of Values

Introduction

What if the same amount of attention we spend on estate planning was also dedicated to preserving our spiritual wealth? What if we recognized that our ethics and values, when passed on, could have more impact on the future success of our families and related organizations than even the most astute financial legacy planning?

In setting out strategies for the future, most family offices and businesses tend to place a lot of emphasis on financial aspects and assuring that the distribution of assets is in order. The focus is usually on understanding how financial legacies will eventually be handled and in making sure that loved ones are properly cared for.

However, a rapidly emerging area of interest is the preservation and transmission of those legacies that are far more precious: the values we live by and the stories of our lives are what we want to be remembered by. Typically, these are passed on informally from one generation to the next with significant details and nuances lost along the way as the story is told and retold – or forgotten.

Yet with some thoughtfulness and careful use of digital technology, it is possible to capture these values and stories as the most meaningful of legacies for generations to come.

Background

According to the Allianz American Legacies Study conducted a few years ago, values and life lessons have emerged as overwhelmingly critical for a “true and successful legacy plan”. The study, which gathered data on legacy building from Boomers (aged 40-64) and Elders (65 and over), demonstrated that the most crucial element in legacy planning is considered to be what they refer to as “values, not valuables”. More than threequarters of both groups answered that it was important to them personally to receive and/or give values and life lessons as part of an inheritance, versus an average of 32% caring for personal possessions, and an average of 20% concerned about financial assets. In fact, Boomers in general are less likely to believe that they are owed an inheritance and stated they are keenly interested in preserving their parents’ memories.

A follow-up Allianz survey in 2012 showed that both groups cared significantly more about preserving family stories (86% of Boomers and 74% of Elders) than financial inheritance (9% of Boomers and 14% of Elders), In other words, there is a clear distinction between leaving a simple inheritance and creating a real legacy that has lasting impact, and there is a growing desire to both give and receive such legacies.

Although it is common to take great care and devote significant planning to how to transfer material wealth and assets to family members and loved ones, the same attention is less frequently paid to preserving families’ spiritual legacies. The history, stories and beliefs that define a family and its members are instrumental in setting the stage for the future well-being of generations to come.

Each of us has somehow grown, overcome challenges and received wisdom from our own life stories, wisdom that if properly preserved and handed down, could be influential for others. It’s the simple rationale for why every person has a life story that’s worth preserving.

Ethical Wills – Legacies of Values Defined

The formal act of preserving our values and beliefs is often known as an “ethical will” or “legacy of values”. Sometimes known as a legacy letter when in written form, an ethical will is an effective method of sharing key learnings, values, blessings, life’s lessons, hopes and dreams for the future, love and forgiveness, with your family, friends and community.

An ethical will is not a legal document and does not distribute material wealth: it captures the ideas and inspirations that an individual wants to share and allows them to live on as a sincere expression of what truly matters most in life. The concept of ethical wills is not new:

• Storytelling to capture the important lessons from the past are common in many cultures and are referred to in both the Hebrew and Christian Bibles. For example, Genesis 49 describes Jacob just before he died, sitting outside his tent blessing his sons and telling them what had been important to him and what he wished for them to know and how to live.
• From the Middle Ages, the ethical will of a German widow called Glückel of Hameln has surfaced from the late 17th century. While running her late husband’s business and raising her 12 children, she sat nightly to write letters in her journal to them “so if, God forbid, something should happen to me, they should know our values and other important things”.
• In more modern times, the “Master Class” television show on the Oprah Winfrey Network is a weekly variation of an ethical will where a well-known contemporary thinker talks about what he or she has learned and wants to share: a living legacy.
• Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams at Carnegie Mellon has had over 17 million views on YouTube to date.

Today’s ethical wills are often written by people at turning points and transitions in their lives. They are usually shared with family and community while the writer is still alive and there is an opportunity to discuss and learn from him or her. This process is often called a life review, where an individual records a deliberate and well-thought out expression of personal values and life lessons, and it often takes place during or following critical periods such as marriage, the birth of a child, serious illness, major events, retirement or a crucial milestone in business: a major acquisition, sale or move. It is these important moments that may provoke a more focused reflection on what we really want those who follow us to know and remember.

The Power of Reflection

In a world where you are always judged by your next success, it can sometimes seem like a waste of time to look back: all our energy is focused on the future. And in the overly charged life of a visionary leader, this can seem doubly so. Is such a backwards reflection really of no use to a careful planning forward? The process of capturing an individual’s values as a legacy for next generations does two things: it creates an incredible and invaluable gift for its recipients, but it also can act as a powerful and life-changing moment for the individual.

The act of producing such a legacy, with its deep reflection and reframing of life experiences, allows a rare opportunity:

• to relive and enjoy certain achievements
• to recall a sense of accomplishment or pride in a challenge overcome
• to sense a feeling of completion
• to undergo a cathartic and deeply revealing experience.

Although its positive effects are great, surprisingly, a vast majority of individuals do not consider its relevance until it is too late. In an interview with Esquire Magazine, Robert De Niro was quoted as saying that one of his greatest regrets was that he did not have enough of his parents’ stories recorded for his children and grandchildren for them to hear and learn from. He then went on to complete a posthumous movie about his father and the complicated relationship that they had, but he admits that the ability to have captured his father’s thoughts in his own words would have been even more powerful.

The objective for many astute family businesses has become not only knowing where you want to go but also taking the time to note how far you’ve come. It is essential to take this moment of deliberate pause, to reflect and to take stock of where you are, right now, and to mark the significant milestones that have been placed along the pathway of your lives or of those who went before.

THE EDWARD MATHESON STORY

A highly successful entrepreneur of a fourth generation family business, Edward Matheson believed that there was no point in reflecting backwards. “All you get from looking back is a kink in your neck”, he said. His attitude was that it was best to look forward to try to identify the path that competitors couldn’t see to allow his company to be a leader in its industry.

After a few months of conducting regular sessions of a guided life review, Edward began to open up. He started to tell the history of the family business in perfect detail: although he had said he never looked back, there was nothing he couldn’t remember about anything that had ever taken place. In doing this life review of his family’s business, he quickly realized that along the way the challenges (and even some near failures) were in fact the important milestones from which the most significant growth was achieved. Edward’s outlook has since changed and he now intentionally reviews at regular, planned intervals what has transpired and what new lessons have been learned.

In this case, the reflection process resulted in putting a lot of things in perspective, including the changing tides of a century-old industry affected by the ebbs and flows of manufacturing technology. More importantly for this family, it captured the strong values Edward’s grandfather had passed on to him in his business and personal life that were foundational to the company’s future growth.

Beginning the Process

One way to begin the fact-based portion of your reflection is through family ancestry research. Using an online resource like Ancestry.com is a good place to start: in this case, it currently boasts 34 million family trees in its records and over 10 billion records online. A new service offered is DNA testing (painless, through swabbing your saliva) as a way to match ethnicity and roots from all over the world and to more scientifically determine from where your ancestors originated.

Some family offices choose to hire a professional genealogist to uncover not just the names and dates of births and deaths from online resources, libraries, city halls and cemeteries, but other records as well. They have expertise in researching ship manifests for immigration purposes, marriage certificates, and other such archival documents for very in-depth background information.

A very common starting point, however, is simple consultation with oldest living family members and reviewing personal archives and collections. You may be surprised at the quantity and quality of anecdotal information you find. Whichever way is chosen, uncovering the lineage of family ancestry is a first task, followed by trying to associate those names with photographs, press articles, video clips, memorabilia, and if possible always stories since it is in the tale-telling that the true values tend to emerge.

Once this primary research is compiled, the next step in recording such a legacy is to look at milestones achieved, either for ancestors – a good place to start is with your own parents – and then your own accomplishments or pivotal moments that happened in your lifetime. The end goal is to amass a body of information that outlines overall family values and beliefs as well as lessons learned that then can become the basis of your ethical will.

This type of qualitative and quantitative research allows families to uncover a deeper background that can then be preserved, built upon, and passed on to next generations through various means that will conserve the messages intact and without interpretation.

THE GOLDBERG FAMILY STORY

One family office recently completed this process and has taken their archival information to a new digital level. After completing an ethical will on video with all elders in the family, the Goldbergs decided to develop a family portal website, highly secure and password protected, for the exclusive use of family members (there are close to 300 living members all over the world). Researchers have uploaded the information to build a timeline of their ancestors, from the earliest known roots in mid-1800s in Eastern Europe to their arrival in North America, and growth and success since the early 1900s. The website displays an in-depth family tree that can be sorted by family last name or by ancestor, with headshot photos where available.

Rounding out the genealogical information are data sources in the form of memorabilia: birth and death certificates, ship records, business incorporation documents, old land deeds, and other original documents have been digitized for easy access by any descendant. In addition, elders in the family recorded their earliest memories about previous generations and then audio files and transcribed copies of these were uploaded to the private website where any family member can view them. The Goldbergs went to great lengths to “look back” and to preserve the stories, values and beliefs of the past, along with the historical details to support them.

The Power of the Narrator’s Voice

Like Edward in the Matheson family’s story, it is easy to ignore the importance and significance of preserving such stories and lessons, dismissing them as time lost reviewing the past. However, when the switch is flipped and the realization dawns that preserving these lessons is in fact essential to future growth, both personal and professional, the idea of capturing these legacies permanently is born. And rather than simply transferring legacies through old-fashioned storytelling and word of mouth, today families can leverage technology to capture these valuable stories that otherwise would be lost when the oldest generation dies.

The biography of Steve Jobs did an excellent job of capturing many of his visionary beliefs. However, his 2005 Stanford University commencement speech, which which viral, allowed thousands of students to hear what really mattered to him: his emotional reminder that “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life” had an enormous impact on all who heard him.

On paper, the text of Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech is stirring, but the classic recording of “I have a dream” has the power to truly move us. In other words, the spoken and visual word is most powerful for conveying our legacy values.

A written ethical will in the form of a simple letter has the advantage of being free: anyone can do one and there are books and websites that provide advice on the topic. On the other hand, through video biographies, people can share their life stories, core values, beliefs and family origins in their own voices and likeness. No matter how talented the writer or how well — written the book, the emotions that are evoked from recounting a powerful memory can only be completely preserved by recording it for others to later see and hear.

Producing an ethical will on video has distinct advantages. Once you have worked through the process of identifying your deepest held and truest values, the definition of lessons learned over time, and perhaps even uncovered new themes that have shaped a life’s history, these stories and ideas can then be captured digitally for storytelling to be maintained in its most authentic form. An ethical will recorded on video allows loved ones to watch the face and hear the words of the storyteller without need for any kind of interpretation. The video acts as a critical thread tying together multiple generations, strengthening communication and understanding.

The recording of an ethical will is the last step of the process. Once you have gathered the factual data and consulted any living elders, you have the foundation of your ethical will which will allow you to preserve the compelling story of how the family legacy all began. You would then conduct a life review which allows you to understand your life story through a series of guided discussions before the recording stage. Ideally, this will be guided by a legacy consultant to help you to go one step deeper, to capture and flesh out your values, beliefs and lessons learned, based on your own history. This becomes the foundation of your ethical will ~ legacy of values.

Talking about past generations and capturing the defining moments of a lifetime – the highs and lows, challenges and triumphs – will identify the most relevant stories and ideas that should be preserved. When you have completed this guided process, you are ready to be interviewed and record these ideas and reflections on video. And by using this format to preserve your legacy, you are creating a record that will be meaningful through a means that cannot help but be more powerful and make more impact than a simple letter, however well written.

The Benefits of Preparing Your Legacy of Values

Not only does the act of creating a video legacy capture key beliefs and values for future generations, it also has a significant impact on the subject since it requires deep reflection on what truly matters. The process is “emotional, reflective, insightful and deep,” according to Susan Portnoy, President of Organized Success who created such a video and presented it to her family on her 60th birthday. An ethical will on video is more frequently becoming the method of choice to preserve families’ non-financial legacy. According to Greg Rogers, President of RayLign Advisory LLC, it was a great relief to know that his beliefs were “preserved for future generations to see and internalize.” The video format is the ultimate method to preserve these values in ways that allow for the messages to be communicated directly and authentically, without degradation or reinterpretation over time.

As mentioned, the reasons why an individual chooses to begin this process may vary, and are often as a result of a significant event or milestone.The positive impact of recording an ethical will is clear, both on those who narrate the stories and on those who receive this wisdom.

For the person recording his or her reflections, it is an opportunity to celebrate and define what has been meaningful:

• In some cases to even articulate a purpose and give form to a lifetime by putting it into a larger framework and perspective.
• It promotes open communication with the important people in an individual’s life through the clarification of values, convictions, priorities and goals. In best case scenarios, the act of creating such a powerful legacy can even result in a healing of the past: where conflicts are resolved and the storyteller finds or offers forgiveness and peace.

For those who view these legacies, it is impossible to overstate their value. An ethical will recorded by a loved one, whether still living or not, is an irreplaceable source of wisdom:

• It is an expression of values that may act as guideposts to those who follow.
• Indirectly, it provides a sense of security in knowing one’s place in the generational chain and in being part of something greater than just the present.
• Sharing these legacies improves communication and deepens relationships, sometimes with clear messages directly from the storytellers that eventually help grieving and healing.
• Because they are narrated in the first person, they act to reinforce and strengthen memory, continuity and connection for all those within the family.

THE GIBB FAMILY STORY

Recently, a newly formed family office decided it was time to create an ethical will: there had been a liquidity of a part of the family business, which created the need to move the family records and financial affairs to a separate family office. The external CEO who had been hired had as her first task the preservation and recording of the family history and mission, vision and values for establishing the office’s financial and logistical tools.

She chose to have elder family members record this on video to capture the stories, values and beliefs, as well as including other information from their personal archives. So at a critical time for this family, the establishment of a new family office, they took the time to review their roots and preserve their non-financial legacy. All too often family offices establish all their services and structure the organization first, and then lastly as a final piece in the puzzle, begin to consider their history, story and values.

To preserve the history first when establishing an office is to honor the past and give the opening some context: the opening becomes a new milestone, while using the valuable lessons learned from the past are an important influence for future actions.

Donor Legacy Captured for Philanthropists

With respect to family philanthropy, the process of producing an ethical will as a donor legacy document can offer important guidance. Through a careful reflection of the past and what have been the guiding principles of earlier generations’ philanthropy, the mission, vision and values of the foundations is important to preserve as a path for stewards to follow. In the case of family businesses that have established philanthropy this story becomes much clearer. Suddenly, “why we do what we do (philanthropically)” takes on deeper meaning as shown through the lens of family history, beliefs and charitable intentions.

THE MARTIN WILLARD STORY

The adult children of Martin Willard, a 73 year-old, second-generation family business owner, wanted to capture the legacy of their father and grandfather who had started the business 85 years before. Before starting the life review process, they were asked if there were any questions they wanted their father to answer. One daughter asked, “Why does our family foundation give a $100,000 donation each year to juvenile diabetes when none of us or our children have the disease?” The foundation had a long tradition of giving to this cause but no one knew why. After filming stories of his life and the history of the family business, the interview turned to donor legacy. When asked his daughter’s question, his response was astounding.

Martin was born during the Depression. His father died when he was a toddler and his mother died of cardiac problems when he was 17. While mourning her death, he learned that she had lost her first child—a boy born three years before him— to juvenile diabetes for which there was no cure. He was shocked, since he had always thought he was the eldest. After this loss his mother was never the same, and likely died due to a broken heart.

He started working in the family business and vowed he would always contribute to help find a cure for juvenile diabetes so that no other mother would suffer the same fate. And that was why the foundation gave every year to that cause. Martin’s spellbinding story was now preserved for all time.

When Martin’s children saw his legacy video, there was surprised shock, moving them to tears. They called a foundation board meeting to amend the by-laws so that juvenile diabetes would always be supported. This knowledge of family history was very powerful. A long lost family secret was revealed and it allowed the family to bond more firmly in its philanthropic mission.

Conclusion

The importance of the preservation of memories and the ideas that were our greatest influences has become a topic of growing interest in recent years, even being the subject of articles in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal and other print and electronic media. The International Institute for Reminiscence and Life Review was founded in 1999, with a primary goal being to “promote increased awareness, knowledge, and skill development in direct practice of reminiscence and life review.” In other words, it has become popularly accepted that there is significant value in this process of looking back and in capturing the learnings that can be employed going forward.

When individuals decide that they wish to preserve their legacies, they invariably begin by telling their own stories. They recount the history as it is best known to them through their reminiscences and recollections. Richard B. wanted his kids to understand why they were raised the way they were. Marlene S. was gratified to be able to tell the story of a 180-year-old Bible that belonged to her great-grandfather and how she received it. Carol M. documented traditional recipes served every Thanksgiving. Michael R. understood the need to communicate his thoughts on wealth stewardship and spirituality to his successors.

All of us attempt to lead our lives from an authentic place: living according to our values and what’s considered important. Life is manifest through patterns of that which is important, an expression of our values and beliefs. This is what is most important to be left as a legacy: the values that are worth preserving more than valuables to next generations. And the sensitive, attentive digital recording of these values guarantees that your true legacy will be passed on for years to come, an irreplaceable and unforgettable gift.