Summer is here and with it come BBQs, pool and deck parties, and family reunions. Seize these long summer days and evenings as wonderful opportunities to celebrate a loved one before you ‘have to’. We would like to propose an easy, fun way to take advantage of this time.

Around the table — or the campfire

It can be true that we mostly take the time to reflect on the qualities, experiences and legacy of loved-ones when grave health concerns arise or they pass away. But why wait? Sharing our thoughts and perspectives of cherished-ones may be more beneficial when we can do it together.

Seize the opportunity while around the picnic table or the campfire to celebrate an honoured attendee. Today we’ll call her Gail. Explaining that the group is going to take turns sharing a memory, a quality or piece of wisdom they have learned from Gail. To begin the conversation ask questions like: What impact has Gail had on your life? What has she taught you? What do you admire most about her?

Gail, in the meantime, might be a bit uncomfortable. That’s OK! Reassure her that she’s loved and respected and also to just sit back, relax (if she can) and ENJOY! Place your smartphone with the voice memo ON and off you go!

Lead off the conversation yourself. This way, you can put people at ease before you pass the baton to the next person. Don’t let anyone skip out! Even just a brief answer can be as meaningful or poignant as any longer story told.

You’ll be surprised at how most people look forward to their turn to share. If someone gets tongue-tied, as may happen with younger children, gently guide them with questions. Ask them an alternative type of question such as, “Is it fun to hang out when Gail is around?”. That way they’re sure to feel included.

Trust us on this one

The trend of living funerals (also known as pre-funeral) is proof-positive that communicating what is meaningful is best done when you can tell someone directly and with purpose. Of course, that is not always possible. After leading this exercise with her extended family following her grandmother’s funeral, a friend shared that she was repetitively thanked for starting the exercise, which created an opportunity for everyone to voice their love and lessons learned from Grandma.

Lightning round

Back to Gail. When everyone has spoken and the circle has come back to you, thank everyone and announce one final, speedy turn around the table. Depending on Gail’s personality, invite everyone to share something “typical of Gail.” Whether it’s one of the dozens of sayings she likes to quote or is known to say, or a description of her most memorable outfit, ask participants to shout out their favorite. Get ready for some hearty laughter and don’t be surprised if you wind up going up around the table twice!

Don’t delay. Summer is almost over!

‘Just because’ is more than reason enough to get the stories told and recorded.

Arianna Huffington’s daughter Christina is the creator and executive producer of the newly released Talk to Me project on the HuffPost blog. Endeavoring to become a movement, Talk to Me encourages children and their parents to do just that – talk to each other – with the added twist of broadcasting their conversations using Facebook Live.

When I learned about the project, which launched April 4th, my initial reaction was positive. What’s not to like about parents and kids talking to each other and recording it for future generations? (That’s what Memoirs is all about!) The more I thought about it though, the more I wondered about the “live” aspect. Sure, it’s a fine way for Facebook to promote its new feature and a great collaboration between two media empires, but what did that have to do with private conversations between family members?

The Pros

Any encouragement for Millennials to lift their heads from their devices and engage in face to face conversation is wonderful. In a world where parents ask their kids what they want to eat for lunch using text messaging, sitting down face-to-face and asking meaningful questions (and getting meaningful answers) seems a rare occurrence. In fact, since the majority of us are less practiced when it comes to meaningful conversations, Talk to Me offers the same great list of questions that personal historians use to capture life stories and get the conversation rolling.

        • Tell me something you’ve never told me.

        • What do you know now that you wish you knew when you were my age?

        • Tell me the story of the happiest moment you’ve ever had.

        • What is the hardest challenge you’ve faced in your life?

        • What’s the biggest lesson you’d like to pass onto future generations?

Although many celebrities such as Oprah Winfrey, Vin Diesel and Melinda Gates have posted their conversations, dozens of “regular” families have already participated as well. Using hashtag #TalkToMe and a promise to share their favorites, Huffington Post has featured several conversations on their website. Featured topics include sensitive areas like divorce, autism and LGBTQ equality. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/favorite-moments-from-talk-to-me-series_us_57032680e4b0a06d5806bc6b

 

The Cons

It is clear that, through the lens of shared experience, the featured Talk to Me conversations revolve around topics whose discussions are of benefit to others. Listening to stories of struggles and discovering we are not alone – or better yet, gleaning insight and solutions to our own issues –  is a good thing.

Recording conversations with loved ones to be preserved for future generations to learn from is also a good thing.

If people have these conversations live, and post them for the world to see and share (using Facebook Live and the #TalkToME hashtag) the “sacred” project starts to lose personal and confidential value. In the digital era, where nothing seems off limits for an online post, aren’t there certain conversations that should remain private?

In his book The Unwanted Gaze: The Destruction of Privacy in America, legal scholar Jeffrey Rosen examines the deep correlation between the time that it takes to get to know each other and the manner in which it is done. “True knowledge of another person is the culmination of a slow process of mutual revelation. It requires the gradual setting aside of social masks, the incremental building of trust, which leads to the exchange of personal disclosures. It cannot be rushed…In a world of short attention spans, privacy is necessary to protect us from the misjudgments that can result from the exposure of too much information as well as too little information.”

 

Neither Pro Nor Con

Talk to Me, in essence, stands for everything that is beneficial about sharing important conversations with our families. Using social websites in this way has farther reaching consequences than intended. Video posting might be integral to online sharing– but the price of making private moments public may be too high to pay for 5 minutes of fame on Huffington Post.

We encourage you, as always, to have these conversations! And by all means record them and share with future generations of your family. If your children are still too young to engage meaningfully, you can always enlist the help of a personal historian to facilitate. Either way, strengthening the bonds between family members through the communication of stories and wisdom is well worth preserving.

What do you think? Should private family conversations be take place live on the internet?

February 1st marks the beginning of Black History Month, a time we give special attention to learning about the contributions, history and life stories of African Americans. One great resource to help us celebrate this month is The StoryCorps Griot Initiative.

Unique to Western Africa, a Griot (pronounced gree-oh) is a genealogist, a historian, a storyteller – who passes down family and community history to the next generation. In this spirit, StoryCorps spent a year (2007-2008) travelling around the US with their mobile recording booth recording and preserving the life stories of African American families.

The Griot recordings are archived at the American Folklife Center (AFC) at the Library of Congress. This ensures that these invaluable stories are not only preserved but also presented with dignity. Many of these recordings are available on YouTube (type “Storycorps Griot” into the search engine). Here are a couple of favorites we recommend. Enjoy!

 

Brigadier General Robert Crear

BG General Robert Crear, commanding General of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is interviewed in his hometown of Vicksburg, MS. The General speaks about his desire, at an early age, to become a successful member of the army, his projects in the Corps of Engineers and his current position as the first African American President of the Mississippi River Commission.

 

Charles Blue Sr.

Charles J. Blue Sr. is interviewed by his son about his personal history that led him to become a church organist and choir director. Notably, his interaction and involvement with Dr. Martin King Luther Jr.’s march in Greensboro and his involvement in the Civil Rights Movement is discussed.

 

Coincidentally, this month the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has highlighted in their Oscar awards the African American presence by having Chris Rock host and including numerous presenters. Enjoy the Oscar buzz!