As this Coronavirus has spread around the world, governments and citizens are operating on a day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes minute to minute basis. With that, the majority of us find ourselves in self-isolation. What was once normal life has been replaced with uncertainty, questions, and waiting for what will become of our lives of the past.
We are now living in a novel time in 2020…
Perhaps even a new “normal” …
With this comes threats (we hope minimal), and opportunities.
More than ever in our collective lifetimes we need to BREATHE! And also, look towards the opportunities!
We all want to know just how much the impact of the virus will have on our families, our jobs and businesses. We wait patiently to rejoin our loved ones that we don’t live with after the worry and fear of contagion subsides. Which it will. With all our hopes and dreams, caring for each other and pulling together as a global community—it will subside.
Most of us are confined to our homes for an unknown period of time. This presents us with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get projects done that we have put off in the past. “To Do” lists to keep busy and fill the days include: Spring cleaning, re-organizing kitchens & bathrooms, taking up old hobbies, writing, reading, binge-watching TV/Movies, etc. Perhaps it has some folks even retrieving old photo albums that were left in a box or attic or top shelf of a cupboard, in order to reminisce.
There just might be one task that you never had on your To-Do list that can easily become a most important accomplishment for you at the end of this home-stay experience…a task that your loved ones will thank you for and cherish long after self-isolation has passed. It is to produce in either written format, or in audio or video recording, your ethical will or legacy of values.
Back in 2015 Memoirs Productions published the industry standard white paper “Preserving Your Legacy of Values”. This paper is a deep-dive into the understanding of the process of ethical wills and specifically the power and impact that video ethical wills have for both the person recording it, and future generations who will view the production.
Right now is the right time to record your ethical will. To help you start the process we are re-launching our White Paper at this critical time. You can find it below in easy-to-read blog format and can also download it in its full print format (with includes additional photos and graphics) by clicking here.
Most of us are becoming comfortable with videos on our phones and computers (Zoom, FaceTime, SKYPE, etc.) which enables us to take advantage of recording ourselves as a way of having meaningful time spent while in isolation. Lockdown is a perfect time for this opportunity!
The time to leave the spiritual legacy of recording your values, beliefs, lessons learned and other important messages for posterity is now.
Stay tuned for further information on “How to” …Coming soon.
Our thoughts are with you in the days and weeks ahead. Together, apart, we will get through Coronavirus stronger, healthier and wiser.
Happy Passover and Happy Easter!
Be well, go safely!
Iris Wagner
WHITE PAPER: Preserving Your Legacy of Values
Introduction
What if the same amount of attention we spend on estate planning was also dedicated to preserving our spiritual wealth? What if we recognized that our ethics and values, when passed on, could have more impact on the future success of our families and related organizations than even the most astute financial legacy planning?
In setting out strategies for the future, most family offices and businesses tend to place a lot of emphasis on financial aspects and assuring that the distribution of assets is in order. The focus is usually on understanding how financial legacies will eventually be handled and in making sure that loved ones are properly cared for.
However, a rapidly emerging area of interest is the preservation and transmission of those legacies that are far more precious: the values we live by and the stories of our lives are what we want to be remembered by. Typically, these are passed on informally from one generation to the next with significant details and nuances lost along the way as the story is told and retold – or forgotten.
Yet with some thoughtfulness and careful use of digital technology, it is possible to capture these values and stories as the most meaningful of legacies for generations to come.
Background
According to the Allianz American Legacies Study conducted a few years ago, values and life lessons have emerged as overwhelmingly critical for a “true and successful legacy plan”. The study, which gathered data on legacy building from Boomers (aged 40-64) and Elders (65 and over), demonstrated that the most crucial element in legacy planning is considered to be what they refer to as “values, not valuables”. More than threequarters of both groups answered that it was important to them personally to receive and/or give values and life lessons as part of an inheritance, versus an average of 32% caring for personal possessions, and an average of 20% concerned about financial assets. In fact, Boomers in general are less likely to believe that they are owed an inheritance and stated they are keenly interested in preserving their parents’ memories.
A follow-up Allianz survey in 2012 showed that both groups cared significantly more about preserving family stories (86% of Boomers and 74% of Elders) than financial inheritance (9% of Boomers and 14% of Elders), In other words, there is a clear distinction between leaving a simple inheritance and creating a real legacy that has lasting impact, and there is a growing desire to both give and receive such legacies.
Although it is common to take great care and devote significant planning to how to transfer material wealth and assets to family members and loved ones, the same attention is less frequently paid to preserving families’ spiritual legacies. The history, stories and beliefs that define a family and its members are instrumental in setting the stage for the future well-being of generations to come.
Each of us has somehow grown, overcome challenges and received wisdom from our own life stories, wisdom that if properly preserved and handed down, could be influential for others. It’s the simple rationale for why every person has a life story that’s worth preserving.
Ethical Wills – Legacies of Values Defined
The formal act of preserving our values and beliefs is often known as an “ethical will” or “legacy of values”. Sometimes known as a legacy letter when in written form, an ethical will is an effective method of sharing key learnings, values, blessings, life’s lessons, hopes and dreams for the future, love and forgiveness, with your family, friends and community.
An ethical will is not a legal document and does not distribute material wealth: it captures the ideas and inspirations that an individual wants to share and allows them to live on as a sincere expression of what truly matters most in life. The concept of ethical wills is not new:
- Storytelling to capture the important lessons from the past are common in many cultures and are referred to in both the Hebrew and Christian Bibles. For example, Genesis 49 describes Jacob just before he died, sitting outside his tent blessing his sons and telling them what had been important to him and what he wished for them to know and how to live.
- From the Middle Ages, the ethical will of a German widow called Glückel of Hameln has surfaced from the late 17th century. While running her late husband’s business and raising her 12 children, she sat nightly to write letters in her journal to them “so if, God forbid, something should happen to me, they should know our values and other important things”.
- In more modern times, the “Master Class” television show on the Oprah Winfrey Network is a weekly variation of an ethical will where a well-known contemporary thinker talks about what he or she has learned and wants to share: a living legacy.
- Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams at Carnegie Mellon has had over 17 million views on YouTube to date.
Today’s ethical wills are often written by people at turning points and transitions in their lives. They are usually shared with family and community while the writer is still alive and there is an opportunity to discuss and learn from him or her. This process is often called a life review, where an individual records a deliberate and well-thought out expression of personal values and life lessons, and it often takes place during or following critical periods such as marriage, the birth of a child, serious illness, major events, retirement or a crucial milestone in business: a major acquisition, sale or move. It is these important moments that may provoke a more focused reflection on what we really want those who follow us to know and remember.
The Power of Reflection
In a world where you are always judged by your next success, it can sometimes seem like a waste of time to look back: all our energy is focused on the future. And in the overly charged life of a visionary leader, this can seem doubly so. Is such a backwards reflection really of no use to a careful planning forward? The process of capturing an individual’s values as a legacy for next generations does two things: it creates an incredible and invaluable gift for its recipients, but it also can act as a powerful and life-changing moment for the individual.
The act of producing such a legacy, with its deep reflection and reframing of life experiences, allows a rare opportunity:
- to relive and enjoy certain achievements
- to recall a sense of accomplishment or pride in a challenge overcome
- to sense a feeling of completion
- to undergo a cathartic and deeply revealing experience.
Although its positive effects are great, surprisingly, a vast majority of individuals do not consider its relevance until it is too late. In an interview with Esquire Magazine, Robert De Niro was quoted as saying that one of his greatest regrets was that he did not have enough of his parents’ stories recorded for his children and grandchildren for them to hear and learn from. He then went on to complete a posthumous movie about his father and the complicated relationship that they had, but he admits that the ability to have captured his father’s thoughts in his own words would have been even more powerful.
The objective for many astute family businesses has become not only knowing where you want to go but also taking the time to note how far you’ve come. It is essential to take this moment of deliberate pause, to reflect and to take stock of where you are, right now, and to mark the significant milestones that have been placed along the pathway of your lives or of those who went before.
THE EDWARD MATHESON STORY
A highly successful entrepreneur of a fourth generation family business, Edward Matheson believed that there was no point in reflecting backwards. “All you get from looking back is a kink in your neck”, he said. His attitude was that it was best to look forward to try to identify the path that competitors couldn’t see to allow his company to be a leader in its industry.
After a few months of conducting regular sessions of a guided life review, Edward began to open up. He started to tell the history of the family business in perfect detail: although he had said he never looked back, there was nothing he couldn’t remember about anything that had ever taken place. In doing this life review of his family’s business, he quickly realized that along the way the challenges (and even some near failures) were in fact the important milestones from which the most significant growth was achieved. Edward’s outlook has since changed and he now intentionally reviews at regular, planned intervals what has transpired and what new lessons have been learned.
In this case, the reflection process resulted in putting a lot of things in perspective, including the changing tides of a century-old industry affected by the ebbs and flows of manufacturing technology. More importantly for this family, it captured the strong values Edward’s grandfather had passed on to him in his business and personal life that were foundational to the company’s future growth.
Beginning the Process
One way to begin the fact-based portion of your reflection is through family ancestry research. Using an online resource like Ancestry.com is a good place to start: in this case, it currently boasts 34 million family trees in its records and over 10 billion records online. A new service offered is DNA testing (painless, through swabbing your saliva) as a way to match ethnicity and roots from all over the world and to more scientifically determine from where your ancestors originated.
Some family offices choose to hire a professional genealogist to uncover not just the names and dates of births and deaths from online resources, libraries, city halls and cemeteries, but other records as well. They have expertise in researching ship manifests for immigration purposes, marriage certificates, and other such archival documents for very in-depth background information.
A very common starting point, however, is simple consultation with oldest living family members and reviewing personal archives and collections. You may be surprised at the quantity and quality of anecdotal information you find. Whichever way is chosen, uncovering the lineage of family ancestry is a first task, followed by trying to associate those names with photographs, press articles, video clips, memorabilia, and if possible always stories since it is in the tale-telling that the true values tend to emerge.
Once this primary research is compiled, the next step in recording such a legacy is to look at milestones achieved, either for ancestors – a good place to start is with your own parents – and then your own accomplishments or pivotal moments that happened in your lifetime. The end goal is to amass a body of information that outlines overall family values and beliefs as well as lessons learned that then can become the basis of your ethical will.
This type of qualitative and quantitative research allows families to uncover a deeper background that can then be preserved, built upon, and passed on to next generations through various means that will conserve the messages intact and without interpretation.
THE GOLDBERG FAMILY STORY
One family office recently completed this process and has taken their archival information to a new digital level. After completing an ethical will on video with all elders in the family, the Goldbergs decided to develop a family portal website, highly secure and password protected, for the exclusive use of family members (there are close to 300 living members all over the world). Researchers have uploaded the information to build a timeline of their ancestors, from the earliest known roots in mid-1800s in Eastern Europe to their arrival in North America, and growth and success since the early 1900s. The website displays an in-depth family tree that can be sorted by family last name or by ancestor, with headshot photos where available.
Rounding out the genealogical information are data sources in the form of memorabilia: birth and death certificates, ship records, business incorporation documents, old land deeds, and other original documents have been digitized for easy access by any descendant. In addition, elders in the family recorded their earliest memories about previous generations and then audio files and transcribed copies of these were uploaded to the private website where any family member can view them. The Goldbergs went to great lengths to “look back” and to preserve the stories, values and beliefs of the past, along with the historical details to support them.
The Power of the Narrator’s Voice
Like Edward in the Matheson family’s story, it is easy to ignore the importance and significance of preserving such stories and lessons, dismissing them as time lost reviewing the past. However, when the switch is flipped and the realization dawns that preserving these lessons is in fact essential to future growth, both personal and professional, the idea of capturing these legacies permanently is born. And rather than simply transferring legacies through old-fashioned storytelling and word of mouth, today families can leverage technology to capture these valuable stories that otherwise would be lost when the oldest generation dies.
The biography of Steve Jobs did an excellent job of capturing many of his visionary beliefs. However, his 2005 Stanford University commencement speech, which which viral, allowed thousands of students to hear what really mattered to him: his emotional reminder that “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life” had an enormous impact on all who heard him.
On paper, the text of Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech is stirring, but the classic recording of “I have a dream” has the power to truly move us. In other words, the spoken and visual word is most powerful for conveying our legacy values.
A written ethical will in the form of a simple letter has the advantage of being free: anyone can do one and there are books and websites that provide advice on the topic. On the other hand, through video biographies, people can share their life stories, core values, beliefs and family origins in their own voices and likeness. No matter how talented the writer or how well — written the book, the emotions that are evoked from recounting a powerful memory can only be completely preserved by recording it for others to later see and hear.
Producing an ethical will on video has distinct advantages. Once you have worked through the process of identifying your deepest held and truest values, the definition of lessons learned over time, and perhaps even uncovered new themes that have shaped a life’s history, these stories and ideas can then be captured digitally for storytelling to be maintained in its most authentic form. An ethical will recorded on video allows loved ones to watch the face and hear the words of the storyteller without need for any kind of interpretation. The video acts as a critical thread tying together multiple generations, strengthening communication and understanding.
The recording of an ethical will is the last step of the process. Once you have gathered the factual data and consulted any living elders, you have the foundation of your ethical will which will allow you to preserve the compelling story of how the family legacy all began. You would then conduct a life review which allows you to understand your life story through a series of guided discussions before the recording stage. Ideally, this will be guided by a legacy consultant to help you to go one step deeper, to capture and flesh out your values, beliefs and lessons learned, based on your own history. This becomes the foundation of your ethical will ~ legacy of values.
Talking about past generations and capturing the defining moments of a lifetime – the highs and lows, challenges and triumphs – will identify the most relevant stories and ideas that should be preserved. When you have completed this guided process, you are ready to be interviewed and record these ideas and reflections on video. And by using this format to preserve your legacy, you are creating a record that will be meaningful through a means that cannot help but be more powerful and make more impact than a simple letter, however well written.
The Benefits of Preparing Your Legacy of Values
Not only does the act of creating a video legacy capture key beliefs and values for future generations, it also has a significant impact on the subject since it requires deep reflection on what truly matters. The process is “emotional, reflective, insightful and deep,” according to Susan Portnoy, President of Organized Success who created such a video and presented it to her family on her 60th birthday. An ethical will on video is more frequently becoming the method of choice to preserve families’ non-financial legacy. According to Greg Rogers, President of RayLign Advisory LLC, it was a great relief to know that his beliefs were “preserved for future generations to see and internalize.” The video format is the ultimate method to preserve these values in ways that allow for the messages to be communicated directly and authentically, without degradation or reinterpretation over time.
As mentioned, the reasons why an individual chooses to begin this process may vary, and are often as a result of a significant event or milestone.The positive impact of recording an ethical will is clear, both on those who narrate the stories and on those who receive this wisdom.
For the person recording his or her reflections, it is an opportunity to celebrate and define what has been meaningful:
- In some cases to even articulate a purpose and give form to a lifetime by putting it into a larger framework and perspective.
- It promotes open communication with the important people in an individual’s life through the clarification of values, convictions, priorities and goals. In best case scenarios, the act of creating such a powerful legacy can even result in a healing of the past: where conflicts are resolved and the storyteller finds or offers forgiveness and peace.
For those who view these legacies, it is impossible to overstate their value. An ethical will recorded by a loved one, whether still living or not, is an irreplaceable source of wisdom:
- It is an expression of values that may act as guideposts to those who follow.
- Indirectly, it provides a sense of security in knowing one’s place in the generational chain and in being part of something greater than just the present.
- Sharing these legacies improves communication and deepens relationships, sometimes with clear messages directly from the storytellers that eventually help grieving and healing.
- Because they are narrated in the first person, they act to reinforce and strengthen memory, continuity and connection for all those within the family.
THE GIBB FAMILY STORY
Recently, a newly formed family office decided it was time to create an ethical will: there had been a liquidity of a part of the family business, which created the need to move the family records and financial affairs to a separate family office. The external CEO who had been hired had as her first task the preservation and recording of the family history and mission, vision and values for establishing the office’s financial and logistical tools.
She chose to have elder family members record this on video to capture the stories, values and beliefs, as well as including other information from their personal archives. So at a critical time for this family, the establishment of a new family office, they took the time to review their roots and preserve their non-financial legacy. All too often family offices establish all their services and structure the organization first, and then lastly as a final piece in the puzzle, begin to consider their history, story and values.
To preserve the history first when establishing an office is to honor the past and give the opening some context: the opening becomes a new milestone, while using the valuable lessons learned from the past are an important influence for future actions.
Donor Legacy Captured for Philanthropists
With respect to family philanthropy, the process of producing an ethical will as a donor legacy document can offer important guidance. Through a careful reflection of the past and what have been the guiding principles of earlier generations’ philanthropy, the mission, vision and values of the foundations is important to preserve as a path for stewards to follow. In the case of family businesses that have established philanthropy this story becomes much clearer. Suddenly, “why we do what we do (philanthropically)” takes on deeper meaning as shown through the lens of family history, beliefs and charitable intentions.
THE MARTIN WILLARD STORY
The adult children of Martin Willard, a 73 year-old, second-generation family business owner, wanted to capture the legacy of their father and grandfather who had started the business 85 years before. Before starting the life review process, they were asked if there were any questions they wanted their father to answer. One daughter asked, “Why does our family foundation give a $100,000 donation each year to juvenile diabetes when none of us or our children have the disease?” The foundation had a long tradition of giving to this cause but no one knew why. After filming stories of his life and the history of the family business, the interview turned to donor legacy. When asked his daughter’s question, his response was astounding.
Martin was born during the Depression. His father died when he was a toddler and his mother died of cardiac problems when he was 17. While mourning her death, he learned that she had lost her first child—a boy born three years before him— to juvenile diabetes for which there was no cure. He was shocked, since he had always thought he was the eldest. After this loss his mother was never the same, and likely died due to a broken heart.
He started working in the family business and vowed he would always contribute to help find a cure for juvenile diabetes so that no other mother would suffer the same fate. And that was why the foundation gave every year to that cause. Martin’s spellbinding story was now preserved for all time.
When Martin’s children saw his legacy video, there was surprised shock, moving them to tears. They called a foundation board meeting to amend the by-laws so that juvenile diabetes would always be supported. This knowledge of family history was very powerful. A long lost family secret was revealed and it allowed the family to bond more firmly in its philanthropic mission.
Conclusion
The importance of the preservation of memories and the ideas that were our greatest influences has become a topic of growing interest in recent years, even being the subject of articles in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal and other print and electronic media. The International Institute for Reminiscence and Life Review was founded in 1999, with a primary goal being to “promote increased awareness, knowledge, and skill development in direct practice of reminiscence and life review.” In other words, it has become popularly accepted that there is significant value in this process of looking back and in capturing the learnings that can be employed going forward.
When individuals decide that they wish to preserve their legacies, they invariably begin by telling their own stories. They recount the history as it is best known to them through their reminiscences and recollections. Richard B. wanted his kids to understand why they were raised the way they were. Marlene S. was gratified to be able to tell the story of a 180-year-old Bible that belonged to her great-grandfather and how she received it. Carol M. documented traditional recipes served every Thanksgiving. Michael R. understood the need to communicate his thoughts on wealth stewardship and spirituality to his successors.
All of us attempt to lead our lives from an authentic place: living according to our values and what’s considered important. Life is manifest through patterns of that which is important, an expression of our values and beliefs. This is what is most important to be left as a legacy: the values that are worth preserving more than valuables to next generations. And the sensitive, attentive digital recording of these values guarantees that your true legacy will be passed on for years to come, an irreplaceable and unforgettable gift.
Unlocking Conversational Treasures: The Grandparent-Grandchild “Ask Me Anything”
/in Frontpage Article, Uncategorized /by adminIn the tapestry of life, there’s a unique thread woven with laughter, wisdom, and endless love—the bond between grandparents and grandchildren. This relationship, often described as one of life’s greatest treasures, holds the key to a wealth of untold stories and valuable lessons shared. It’s the connection that transcends generations, nurturing the roots of our family tree.
But have you ever considered asking your grandchildren to interview you? Akin to conducting an “Ask Me Anything” (AMA) session with a real-life sage—you.
In today’s fast-paced world, where the answers to any question are often just a click away, the art of conversing — even with grandparents — sometimes takes a back seat. However, there’s magic in those conversations that cannot be replicated by searching online.
We recently directed and recorded an AMA interview session between a 70+ year old client and his young adult 20+ year old grandchild. My crew and I were all moved by the profound impact of the experience, as we watched it unfold for them. As they embarked on their AMA journey, we discovered an even deeper connection and a newfound appreciation that was evident for each other.
The questions asked were not just about the past but also about aspirations, dreams, life lessons and hopes for the future. The result? An amazing recorded video conversation – originally intended to be 30-40 minutes, ended up being close to 90 minutes– and it all felt like 5 minutes! The discussions, touching moments, and even shared laughter left an indelible mark on both of them, as they told me afterwards. And without any prompting from me– the grandchild declared how grateful he was to now have this legacy video as something to show his grandchildren one day!
So, dear grandparents, consider this: seize the opportunity to invite your grandchildren to embark on their own “Ask Me Anything” adventure with you. Let the magic of storytelling and shared experiences bridge the generational gap. Encourage them to capture these precious moments using their smartphone cameras, for in the years to come, these recordings will be cherished heirlooms (as long as they remember to back them up)!
In a world of constant change, the bond between grandparents and grandchildren remains a steadfast anchor. It’s a timeless connection that only grows richer with each shared story. Embrace the unique opportunity to have your grandchildren ask you about your life, for your words are more than answers—they are the keys to understanding your family’s legacy.
AFTER LIFE: The Enduring Impact of Videos from Departed Loved Ones
/in Uncategorized /by Iris WagnerAfter Life, the acclaimed British television show, written, produced and directed by Ricky Gervais has touched the hearts of many with its poignant portrayal of grief and the transformative power of videos left behind by deceased loved ones. This blog delves into the priceless nature of these videos, exploring how they provide comfort, healing, and a sense of connection to those we’ve lost. The immense value of preserving these memories and the positive effects they have on the grieving process, through videos of loved ones is immeasurable.
NETFLIX
When we lose a loved one, their comforting words and guidance become irreplaceable. However, videos left behind offer a lifeline, capturing their expressions, laughter, and wisdom for us to cherish long after they are gone. From heartfelt messages to shared moments of joy, these videos become treasured tokens of their love and guidance, providing solace during difficult times.
Thanks to technological advancements, recording and sharing videos has become effortless, making it possible for our loved ones to record lasting messages that we may view also once they have passed. With smartphones, tablets, webcams, social media, and cloud storage, these videos can be preserved easily and accessed whenever needed. The thoughtfulness behind these gestures enhances their emotional impact, underlining the importance of these messages.
Videos left behind by deceased loved ones play a significant role in the healing process, as the character played by Ricky Gervais – Tony Johnson– learned from his wife’s recordings made before she passed. They offered him solace and reassurance, reminding him that she is still with him in spirit. By hearing her voice and seeing her facial expressions, he found moments of respite amid grief. These videos provided a safe space to express emotions, seek guidance, and maintain a connection, fostering a sense of healing and continued support, albeit with his dog always by his side!
Netflix
Extensive research has explored the effect of videos left behind on the grieving process. These videos validate and support individuals emotionally, helping them process their grief and find meaning in their loss, as “Tony” experienced throughout this TV series. They facilitated a path for him to adopt healthier coping mechanisms, aided in finding closure, and promoted resilience. Watching these videos evoked positive memories, and fostered gratitude for the time he spent with his wife.
As we all navigate grief’s complexities, loved ones’ videos can become cherished keepsakes, offering comfort and strength during challenging times. It is important for us to recognize the profound significance they hold in our lives, bringing solace and support in the midst of recovering from loss.
What I know for sure is that I deeply cherish my dearly departed parents’ and my deceased clients’ videos, as part of my prized possessions. Furthermore, as I have been often quoted, “If a picture is worth a thousand words…then how much is a video of a loved one worth?”
P.S. If you haven’t seen After Life– don’t miss it. It’s definitely not as sad as one might think– Ricky Gervais is a brilliant writer/ humorist. And as some would say, many comedies stem from tragedy.
Celebrating the Evolving Art of Fatherhood
/in Uncategorized /by Iris WagnerFather’s Day is a special occasion that allows us to honor and appreciate the role of fathers in our lives. Have you ever stopped to consider how, throughout history, the role of the father has evolved significantly?
Early on, as recorded in the Old Testament of the Bible, acts of fatherhood were often used as means to impart wisdom and values to their children, nurturing their growth and character. As an example, in Genesis 49, as Jacob was nearing the end of his life, he called his sons together to impart his values and blessings, and share with them his hopes, dreams and wishes for the future.
This story is a record of the earliest form of an ethical will– a moment in time when an individual passes down their values, principles, and guidance to future generations. Jacob used this opportunity to shape the future actions and behaviors of his sons by sharing his wisdom and insights.
The Changing Roles of Fathers through Time
As centuries passed, the concept of fatherhood evolved, adapting to the changing societal landscape. Fathers became not just providers and disciplinarians but also nurturers, mentors, and role models. The focus shifted from solely fulfilling material needs to fostering emotional connection, offering guidance, and being actively involved in their children’s lives.
In present times fathers continue to adapt to the ever-changing world. They navigate the complexities of technology, shifting gender roles, and new societal expectations while staying true to their core values. In a world filled with distractions and instant gratification, fathers strive to instill timeless values like honesty, respect, resilience, and empathy in their children, fostering their emotional well-being and shaping their character.
Different Types of Fathers
While biological fathers hold a special place in a child’s life, it is essential to acknowledge the impact of stepfathers, mentors, and role models. Stepfathers take on a challenging role, showing love and support as they help merge families together. Mentors provide guidance and wisdom to those who may not have a father figure in their lives. Role models inspire and set examples for children, leaving a lasting impression on their values and aspirations.
The Art of Fatherhood: No Guidebook, Just Love
Parenting is often described as an art rather than a science. It definitely doesn’t come with a step-by-step guide or a manual (although parents often wish they had one!). Every child is unique, and fathers must navigate through the challenges and triumphs with love, patience, and adaptability every single day. It is a journey of learning and growing together.
During this special time of year, I remember my own father. His love, guidance, and unwavering support shaped me into the person I am today. I will forever treasure the memory of him, in his final hours of life, bolting upright in his bed after days of being more asleep than awake, and clearly saying to me, “I hope I was a good father to you.” I am so grateful and blessed that I got to tell him that he was the very best! This Father’s Day, like each one since he left us, I will light a candle in remembrance of the amazing man and father he was. I love and miss you, Dad!
Best Father’s Day wishes to all the exceptional fathers!
SPRING Into Gratitude
/in Uncategorized /by Iris WagnerGratitude has been a popular topic in recent years, with many people advocating for incorporating daily gratitude practices into our lives. Oprah Winfrey and Brené Brown are just a few examples of prominent figures who have spoken about the benefits of being thankful for what we have and focusing on the positive in our lives. But while it may seem simple to be grateful, how often do we actually take time to reflect on the things we are thankful for?
Some experts suggest taking a few moments before bed each day to list three things we are grateful for, as this helps us start each day with a positive mindset. By making gratitude a regular part of our daily routine through journaling or other rituals, we can reap the benefits and experience greater happiness. Aside from my personal gratitude journal, my husband and I have made it a habit to begin our daily walk in the woods sharing our “gratitudes”.
Preserving our legacy is another important practice that can bring benefits to our lives. Unlike gratitude practices, legacy preservation may not be something we do every day, but it is still a valuable exercise in reflecting on the past and considering our future. By reflecting on our experiences and documenting the stories that have shaped us, we create a permanent and shareable record(ing) that can inspire and guide future generations. In this way, our legacy can help guide and shape the future, even after we are gone.
Incorporating legacy preservation as a ritual around holiday celebrations can be a powerful way to give ourselves and future generations the gift of our values, beliefs, wisdom, hopes and dreams. Writing a legacy letter, or recording oneself on a smartphone at a family gathering like Easter or Passover, as examples, can be a meaningful way to reflect on our lives and express our love and wishes for our family. The act of writing the letter or storytelling on a smart device can deepen our appreciation for those closest to us, and the finished product will provide a lasting record(ing) of our feelings for future generations. For more on writing legacy letters, kindly click here.
At Memoirs Productions, we highly encourage you to practice preserving your legacy at any time you’re thinking of gratitudes. We believe you will be grateful for this experience! Wishing you all the best for Spring 2023!
Preserving Gratitude and Stories at Thanksgiving: A Family Legacy
/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Iris WagnerCelebrations of the Thanksgiving holiday might be a great time and place to preserve some of your family’s history and stories. The COVID-19 pandemic has been a stark reminder that life is precious and that life events can hit hard at any time. For the first time since 2019, multi-generational families can gather around the table to share a festive meal together. Thanksgiving dinner sets the perfect scene for conversation, laughter, and most importantly– storytelling.
Breaking bread together is one of the oldest and most fundamental unifying human experiences. In today’s divisive political climate, reaching that unified feeling might be challenging, but keeping our family close is more important than ever. Being with our elders, as the living links to our ancestors help us understand the values we share and our own family’s history.
Recalling memories, reminiscing, and storytelling with our family members is so important. Doing so helps solidify our bonds and give us glimpses into our loved ones’ lives and personalities, from the time before we were born. This presents a golden opportunity to record what will become treasured archives of communication with your elderly loved ones.
Some families also share in the ritual at the dinner table with everyone taking a turn sharing their gratitude(s). We have worked with special families who have on an annual basis, placed a recording device on their table to record conversation for major milestone events: big family vacations/trips, holiday meals, birthday/anniversary celebrations. The hours of recordings become cherished archives, often once the elder has passed on.
How to do it… Technology Tips
Does an audio recording using your mobile phone’s voice memo function suit your family best? A smartphone can unobtrusively sit on the table (helps with the shy folk!), as close as possible to the speaker. You may want to test your microphone range, as it might work best from the middle of the table, if there is not too much surrounding noise. I recommend stopping and restarting the recording between speakers, when possible. It will be easier to share, listen to and even edit recordings if they’re shorter rather than longer.
You could also choose to video record, capturing expressions and gestures – even other family members’ reactions – as loved ones share their stories. Setting up your mobile phone or IPad/tablet on a small tripod (easily available on Amazon.com—some even come with lighting attached), helps avoid camera shake and lets the recorder feel a sense of importance. Once again, try to stop and start between storytellers for easier sharing and better file management (i.e., you can title your files/folders by family member name or story being told).
Lastly, do keep these precious recordings from living solely on your device or in your cloud storage. Sharing these files so other family members can have access is a good habit. Do you have a family WhatsApp chat? A private family Facebook group? Or any other preferred way to share files? Uploading them ensures others have access and they can replay the recordings to enjoy the joy, laughter, or maybe even tears, that were shared.
Starting and recording these legacy-preserving conversations can make our usual Thanksgiving experience and elevate it to one of the most meaningful and unforgettable family celebrations yet. Why wait? Please make 2022 the first story archiving year for your family!
Need help getting the conversation started or directing it? Here are our top five recommended questions to get and keep the conversation going.
• Tell me about your childhood or biggest highlight in your childhood years.
• Tell me about the traditions that have been passed down through our family. How did they get started?
• What are your most vivid memories of school?
• How did you meet your spouse?
• What wisdom or advice would you like to share with future generations?
Reflecting On What REALLY Matters
/in Uncategorized /by adminHaving worked as a producer of ethical wills and biography videos for families and their businesses for the past 20 years, there is one thing I have come to know for sure: well-timed retrospection and reflection on life will lead to a profound understanding of where we have been, where we are now and ultimately lays the groundwork for what the future may bring.
During this past year human beings all over the world weathered the same storm simultaneously. COVID-19 has affected all of us to varying degrees. It has left a permanent mark on our lives that will leave us forever altered. As we now prepare for the second wave, I believe this will be a critical time to reflect on the life lessons the pandemic has taught us to date. In doing so, we all will become better prepared mentally and emotionally, for what lies ahead.
Here are four reflections on the pandemic lockdown garnered from various friends of Memoirs Productions. My hope is that they will inspire you to reflect on your personal experience during this pandemic. The lessons you learned this past year will definitely affect how you live in the future.
REFLECTION 1. “Time feels like it’s moving at a different pace” (40-ish single mom)
I can’t think of a better term for the way time passed during lockdown as a time warp. Super-slow days and weeks turning into strange eternities. I went into the pandemic wanting to use the time wisely, but the hours and days felt like they just slipped through my fingers. I did however finally put an order to stacks and stacks of printed photos, as well as organizing my daughters’ ‘memory bins’. Throughout the last decade I have collected drawings, birthday cards, artwork, medals and more for each child and kept it all safely in big wheeled storage boxes. Confinement gave me the time to sort it all out, create a cohesive collection and load it all into a large scrapbook. Now they can appreciate and look back on all these treasures and maybe share them with their kids one day!
P.S. Stephen Colbert summed it up nicely when he tweeted in mid-April, “The last two weeks have been a strange 10 years”.
REFLECTION 2. “The pros and cons of technology” (50+ year old single woman)
One thing COVID-19 has allowed me to explore is how I want to incorporate technology in my life. I’ve embraced all new tech as it rolled out but never really integrated it into my life. During quarantine I came to cherish Zoom, Facetime and Skype as lifelines to communicate with my friends and family. We created groups that met weekly to catch up, moved our theatre group online and read plays, had quiz game nights and celebrated many Zoom birthdays. I loved the creativity of everyone coming together and staying in touch. On the flipside, it was so easy to go down the Reddit and Netflix rabbit holes and not come up for hours and hours. I often felt guilty for wasting time in front of a screen and not being very productive. If there is anything that I have learned it is that technology is no replacement for in-person contact, but it can definitely be a comfort when you need it most. I am so grateful we took the time to be there for each other through it all, with recipes, various activities, and of course, Happy Hours!
REFLECTION 3. “We can relate to what our ancestors experienced” (66 year old man)
Many people in the media have compared this pandemic to the Spanish Flu. It really got me thinking about what my parents and grandparents would have experienced early in the twentieth century. It brought me immense comfort to realize that not only was I not “alone” in this (we were all going through it together), but that other members of my family had lived through similar tough times and come through it unscathed. In this day and age things are changing so fast. I never really felt a connection to the older generations. Quarantine and economic turmoil has pushed me to reflect on and talk about what I knew about my family’s experiences in the past. They were really remarkable people who just did what they needed to do to make it through. When I start to worry I just think about them and really feel confident that I will make it through this pandemic.
REFLECTION 4. “Disappointment is NOT the end” (78 year old grandmother)
So many events were cancelled for so many people. I felt sorry that my granddaughter didn’t have her high school graduation ceremony or party. That was nothing compared to the disappointment she felt, I’m sure. I was also disappointed we couldn’t have our annual family reunion. It broke our 30-year streak and nearly broke my heart. We did have it on Zoom. Of course it wasn’t the same, but it was nice as we all prepared a story to tell and then we all listened. I learned a few new things about our family’s lore that I might have missed if I would have been visiting in the crowd. It was a good reminder that our young ones need to hear our tales and become the keepers of our stories. We can’t just think…“Well one day I’ll record it”. So that’s what we did. We recorded it. I sure missed everyone’s hugs and all the delicious food — and naturally the laughs, but I know at least those stories that were recorded have now been saved for posterity. That’s one outcome which will be a benefit for our family.
With the second wave on its way, how will you use the impending lockdown wisely? Based on your experience from earlier this year– can you see a more productive and positive life outcome? Now is the time to go through your family tree, label all those photo albums, and jot down or record the family lore for posterity. You will definitely feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment to create a treasured legacy for your loved one — something that really matters!
Ethical Wills in the Age of Coronavirus
/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by adminAs this Coronavirus has spread around the world, governments and citizens are operating on a day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes minute to minute basis. With that, the majority of us find ourselves in self-isolation. What was once normal life has been replaced with uncertainty, questions, and waiting for what will become of our lives of the past.
We are now living in a novel time in 2020…
Perhaps even a new “normal” …
With this comes threats (we hope minimal), and opportunities.
More than ever in our collective lifetimes we need to BREATHE! And also, look towards the opportunities!
We all want to know just how much the impact of the virus will have on our families, our jobs and businesses. We wait patiently to rejoin our loved ones that we don’t live with after the worry and fear of contagion subsides. Which it will. With all our hopes and dreams, caring for each other and pulling together as a global community—it will subside.
Most of us are confined to our homes for an unknown period of time. This presents us with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get projects done that we have put off in the past. “To Do” lists to keep busy and fill the days include: Spring cleaning, re-organizing kitchens & bathrooms, taking up old hobbies, writing, reading, binge-watching TV/Movies, etc. Perhaps it has some folks even retrieving old photo albums that were left in a box or attic or top shelf of a cupboard, in order to reminisce.
There just might be one task that you never had on your To-Do list that can easily become a most important accomplishment for you at the end of this home-stay experience…a task that your loved ones will thank you for and cherish long after self-isolation has passed. It is to produce in either written format, or in audio or video recording, your ethical will or legacy of values.
Back in 2015 Memoirs Productions published the industry standard white paper “Preserving Your Legacy of Values”. This paper is a deep-dive into the understanding of the process of ethical wills and specifically the power and impact that video ethical wills have for both the person recording it, and future generations who will view the production.
Right now is the right time to record your ethical will. To help you start the process we are re-launching our White Paper at this critical time. You can find it below in easy-to-read blog format and can also download it in its full print format (with includes additional photos and graphics) by clicking here.
Most of us are becoming comfortable with videos on our phones and computers (Zoom, FaceTime, SKYPE, etc.) which enables us to take advantage of recording ourselves as a way of having meaningful time spent while in isolation. Lockdown is a perfect time for this opportunity!
The time to leave the spiritual legacy of recording your values, beliefs, lessons learned and other important messages for posterity is now.
Stay tuned for further information on “How to” …Coming soon.
Our thoughts are with you in the days and weeks ahead. Together, apart, we will get through Coronavirus stronger, healthier and wiser.
Happy Passover and Happy Easter!
Be well, go safely!
Iris Wagner
WHITE PAPER: Preserving Your Legacy of Values
Introduction
What if the same amount of attention we spend on estate planning was also dedicated to preserving our spiritual wealth? What if we recognized that our ethics and values, when passed on, could have more impact on the future success of our families and related organizations than even the most astute financial legacy planning?
In setting out strategies for the future, most family offices and businesses tend to place a lot of emphasis on financial aspects and assuring that the distribution of assets is in order. The focus is usually on understanding how financial legacies will eventually be handled and in making sure that loved ones are properly cared for.
However, a rapidly emerging area of interest is the preservation and transmission of those legacies that are far more precious: the values we live by and the stories of our lives are what we want to be remembered by. Typically, these are passed on informally from one generation to the next with significant details and nuances lost along the way as the story is told and retold – or forgotten.
Yet with some thoughtfulness and careful use of digital technology, it is possible to capture these values and stories as the most meaningful of legacies for generations to come.
Background
According to the Allianz American Legacies Study conducted a few years ago, values and life lessons have emerged as overwhelmingly critical for a “true and successful legacy plan”. The study, which gathered data on legacy building from Boomers (aged 40-64) and Elders (65 and over), demonstrated that the most crucial element in legacy planning is considered to be what they refer to as “values, not valuables”. More than threequarters of both groups answered that it was important to them personally to receive and/or give values and life lessons as part of an inheritance, versus an average of 32% caring for personal possessions, and an average of 20% concerned about financial assets. In fact, Boomers in general are less likely to believe that they are owed an inheritance and stated they are keenly interested in preserving their parents’ memories.
A follow-up Allianz survey in 2012 showed that both groups cared significantly more about preserving family stories (86% of Boomers and 74% of Elders) than financial inheritance (9% of Boomers and 14% of Elders), In other words, there is a clear distinction between leaving a simple inheritance and creating a real legacy that has lasting impact, and there is a growing desire to both give and receive such legacies.
Although it is common to take great care and devote significant planning to how to transfer material wealth and assets to family members and loved ones, the same attention is less frequently paid to preserving families’ spiritual legacies. The history, stories and beliefs that define a family and its members are instrumental in setting the stage for the future well-being of generations to come.
Each of us has somehow grown, overcome challenges and received wisdom from our own life stories, wisdom that if properly preserved and handed down, could be influential for others. It’s the simple rationale for why every person has a life story that’s worth preserving.
Ethical Wills – Legacies of Values Defined
The formal act of preserving our values and beliefs is often known as an “ethical will” or “legacy of values”. Sometimes known as a legacy letter when in written form, an ethical will is an effective method of sharing key learnings, values, blessings, life’s lessons, hopes and dreams for the future, love and forgiveness, with your family, friends and community.
An ethical will is not a legal document and does not distribute material wealth: it captures the ideas and inspirations that an individual wants to share and allows them to live on as a sincere expression of what truly matters most in life. The concept of ethical wills is not new:
Today’s ethical wills are often written by people at turning points and transitions in their lives. They are usually shared with family and community while the writer is still alive and there is an opportunity to discuss and learn from him or her. This process is often called a life review, where an individual records a deliberate and well-thought out expression of personal values and life lessons, and it often takes place during or following critical periods such as marriage, the birth of a child, serious illness, major events, retirement or a crucial milestone in business: a major acquisition, sale or move. It is these important moments that may provoke a more focused reflection on what we really want those who follow us to know and remember.
The Power of Reflection
The act of producing such a legacy, with its deep reflection and reframing of life experiences, allows a rare opportunity:
Although its positive effects are great, surprisingly, a vast majority of individuals do not consider its relevance until it is too late. In an interview with Esquire Magazine, Robert De Niro was quoted as saying that one of his greatest regrets was that he did not have enough of his parents’ stories recorded for his children and grandchildren for them to hear and learn from. He then went on to complete a posthumous movie about his father and the complicated relationship that they had, but he admits that the ability to have captured his father’s thoughts in his own words would have been even more powerful.
The objective for many astute family businesses has become not only knowing where you want to go but also taking the time to note how far you’ve come. It is essential to take this moment of deliberate pause, to reflect and to take stock of where you are, right now, and to mark the significant milestones that have been placed along the pathway of your lives or of those who went before.
Beginning the Process
One way to begin the fact-based portion of your reflection is through family ancestry research. Using an online resource like Ancestry.com is a good place to start: in this case, it currently boasts 34 million family trees in its records and over 10 billion records online. A new service offered is DNA testing (painless, through swabbing your saliva) as a way to match ethnicity and roots from all over the world and to more scientifically determine from where your ancestors originated.
Some family offices choose to hire a professional genealogist to uncover not just the names and dates of births and deaths from online resources, libraries, city halls and cemeteries, but other records as well. They have expertise in researching ship manifests for immigration purposes, marriage certificates, and other such archival documents for very in-depth background information.
Once this primary research is compiled, the next step in recording such a legacy is to look at milestones achieved, either for ancestors – a good place to start is with your own parents – and then your own accomplishments or pivotal moments that happened in your lifetime. The end goal is to amass a body of information that outlines overall family values and beliefs as well as lessons learned that then can become the basis of your ethical will.
This type of qualitative and quantitative research allows families to uncover a deeper background that can then be preserved, built upon, and passed on to next generations through various means that will conserve the messages intact and without interpretation.
The Power of the Narrator’s Voice
Like Edward in the Matheson family’s story, it is easy to ignore the importance and significance of preserving such stories and lessons, dismissing them as time lost reviewing the past. However, when the switch is flipped and the realization dawns that preserving these lessons is in fact essential to future growth, both personal and professional, the idea of capturing these legacies permanently is born. And rather than simply transferring legacies through old-fashioned storytelling and word of mouth, today families can leverage technology to capture these valuable stories that otherwise would be lost when the oldest generation dies.
The biography of Steve Jobs did an excellent job of capturing many of his visionary beliefs. However, his 2005 Stanford University commencement speech, which which viral, allowed thousands of students to hear what really mattered to him: his emotional reminder that “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life” had an enormous impact on all who heard him.
On paper, the text of Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech is stirring, but the classic recording of “I have a dream” has the power to truly move us. In other words, the spoken and visual word is most powerful for conveying our legacy values.
A written ethical will in the form of a simple letter has the advantage of being free: anyone can do one and there are books and websites that provide advice on the topic. On the other hand, through video biographies, people can share their life stories, core values, beliefs and family origins in their own voices and likeness. No matter how talented the writer or how well — written the book, the emotions that are evoked from recounting a powerful memory can only be completely preserved by recording it for others to later see and hear.
Producing an ethical will on video has distinct advantages. Once you have worked through the process of identifying your deepest held and truest values, the definition of lessons learned over time, and perhaps even uncovered new themes that have shaped a life’s history, these stories and ideas can then be captured digitally for storytelling to be maintained in its most authentic form. An ethical will recorded on video allows loved ones to watch the face and hear the words of the storyteller without need for any kind of interpretation. The video acts as a critical thread tying together multiple generations, strengthening communication and understanding.
The recording of an ethical will is the last step of the process. Once you have gathered the factual data and consulted any living elders, you have the foundation of your ethical will which will allow you to preserve the compelling story of how the family legacy all began. You would then conduct a life review which allows you to understand your life story through a series of guided discussions before the recording stage. Ideally, this will be guided by a legacy consultant to help you to go one step deeper, to capture and flesh out your values, beliefs and lessons learned, based on your own history. This becomes the foundation of your ethical will ~ legacy of values.
Talking about past generations and capturing the defining moments of a lifetime – the highs and lows, challenges and triumphs – will identify the most relevant stories and ideas that should be preserved. When you have completed this guided process, you are ready to be interviewed and record these ideas and reflections on video. And by using this format to preserve your legacy, you are creating a record that will be meaningful through a means that cannot help but be more powerful and make more impact than a simple letter, however well written.
The Benefits of Preparing Your Legacy of Values
Not only does the act of creating a video legacy capture key beliefs and values for future generations, it also has a significant impact on the subject since it requires deep reflection on what truly matters. The process is “emotional, reflective, insightful and deep,” according to Susan Portnoy, President of Organized Success who created such a video and presented it to her family on her 60th birthday. An ethical will on video is more frequently becoming the method of choice to preserve families’ non-financial legacy. According to Greg Rogers, President of RayLign Advisory LLC, it was a great relief to know that his beliefs were “preserved for future generations to see and internalize.” The video format is the ultimate method to preserve these values in ways that allow for the messages to be communicated directly and authentically, without degradation or reinterpretation over time.
As mentioned, the reasons why an individual chooses to begin this process may vary, and are often as a result of a significant event or milestone.The positive impact of recording an ethical will is clear, both on those who narrate the stories and on those who receive this wisdom.
For the person recording his or her reflections, it is an opportunity to celebrate and define what has been meaningful:
For those who view these legacies, it is impossible to overstate their value. An ethical will recorded by a loved one, whether still living or not, is an irreplaceable source of wisdom:
Donor Legacy Captured for Philanthropists
With respect to family philanthropy, the process of producing an ethical will as a donor legacy document can offer important guidance. Through a careful reflection of the past and what have been the guiding principles of earlier generations’ philanthropy, the mission, vision and values of the foundations is important to preserve as a path for stewards to follow. In the case of family businesses that have established philanthropy this story becomes much clearer. Suddenly, “why we do what we do (philanthropically)” takes on deeper meaning as shown through the lens of family history, beliefs and charitable intentions.
Conclusion
When individuals decide that they wish to preserve their legacies, they invariably begin by telling their own stories. They recount the history as it is best known to them through their reminiscences and recollections. Richard B. wanted his kids to understand why they were raised the way they were. Marlene S. was gratified to be able to tell the story of a 180-year-old Bible that belonged to her great-grandfather and how she received it. Carol M. documented traditional recipes served every Thanksgiving. Michael R. understood the need to communicate his thoughts on wealth stewardship and spirituality to his successors.
All of us attempt to lead our lives from an authentic place: living according to our values and what’s considered important. Life is manifest through patterns of that which is important, an expression of our values and beliefs. This is what is most important to be left as a legacy: the values that are worth preserving more than valuables to next generations. And the sensitive, attentive digital recording of these values guarantees that your true legacy will be passed on for years to come, an irreplaceable and unforgettable gift.
Mitzi Perdue: Strengthening Your Family Legacy
/in Uncategorized /by adminIf I could highlight one word to describe Mitzi Perdue it would be authentic. Warm, graceful and genuine, her achievements during her life and career are impressive. Wife of Frank Perdue (Perdue Farms) and daughter of business titan Ernest Henderson (co-founder of Sheraton Hotel chain) Mitzi is a powerful businesswoman in her own right. She is a visionary entrepreneur with interests and talents that are as varied as they are interesting – computer programmer, software developer, television and radio show host, author, egg decorator (yes!) and wine grape supplier to name just a few.
But her passion lies at the very heart of her large business empire(s)—a core value of FAMILY.
Combining the Sheraton and Perdue empires longevity, Mitzi’s leadership propagates the legacy of 224 years of families in business staying together. Her mission is to keep it thriving for generations to come. Her experiences and insights into highly successful businesses’ cultures empower her as an expert in helping business families break the “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations” cycle.
“When a family business has a strong culture,” her late husband Frank Perdue used to say, “family members are willing to work hard for something higher and more important than just ego or money: the family.”
Over the years Mitzi has developed many tools and traditions to help guide her family’s ongoing business and family successes. A master storyteller, she continuously preserves her families’ stories, histories and values for the benefit of the next generations of family business successors.
Her strategies are a thoughtful and creative combination of education: all family members – no matter how young – must learn about the family business. Using ethical wills to impart the wisdom and lessons learned from elders and from those who came before actively shape the values of new generations. She believes ethical wills can play a role in helping the young family members to grow up to have happy, productive lives of meaning.
Being the inspirational “shoemaker with her own shoes”, naturally Mitzi has written ethical wills she has gifted to her family. She has written one for her children and one separately for her grandchildren, to share her finest wisdom with the intended reader.
Mitzi has also created a road map to embed a positive business culture within business families in her book “How to Communicate Values to Children so They’ll Love it”. Ever mindful of passing on core family values, proposed activities in the book – such as the Magician’s Kit– create monthly opportunities for children and parents to bond and learn.
LOOKING TO THE FUTURE
Creating family cohesiveness throughout the generations is what Mitzi is all about. Her tips on growing a family firm offer a wealth of practical and actionable knowledge from which family business owners (and everyone!) can benefit.
The essential lesson here is that Mitzi Perdue is not leaving the future to chance. With purpose and intention she is guiding her family and other family businesses towards success and happiness with the help of Ethical Wills. As Mitzi says, “Want Those Who Come After You to Be Happy? Write an Ethical Will! Lack of values can make children vulnerable to destructive behaviors, can turn heirs into playboys and can accelerate the arc of “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.”
With the countless family businesses that have collaborated with Memoirs to record their Legacy of Values™ and the experience and insights that I have been blessed to receive – I couldn’t have said it better.
‘Til death do us part
/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by adminAllie: Do you think our love, can take us away together?
Duke: I think our love can do anything we want it to.
Allie: I love you.
Duke: I love you, Allie.
Allie: Good night.
Duke: Good night. I’ll be seeing you.
So ends the life-long love story of Noah and Allie, expertly penned by Nicholas Sparks in the bestseller The Notebook. It is a bittersweet moment and brings the audience to tears. At this end of both the book and the movie, the main characters pass away. Yet it can be an uplifting ending, as we feel comforted that they get to do so together, in a loving embrace, on their own terms.
There are numerous accounts of long-time, married couples dying within minutes, hours or days of each other. More common are the stories of long-time, inseparable couples passing away within several months of each other.
We now know that dying of a broken heart is very real and that deep love is powerful enough to keep couples together in life, and in death. In fact, it is considered one of the best-documented examples of social relations on health. (Christakis and Elwert, University of Wisconsin, 2008).
In loving memory of my parents, Shirley and Nate.
For the family members left behind, the death of a beloved mother or father is always a devastating blow. But the death of the second parent so close in time to the first comes with special meaning of its own. In addition to overwhelming grief, feelings of vulnerability increase. It can intensify our childhood memories and force us to ask one of greatest of life’s questionswhat is the meaning of it all?
The legacy of wisdom, values and stories passed to us by our parents cannot adequately replace the hole left in one’s heart after their passing. It can, however, provide peace, guidance and hope during the dark days of grief. Our parents’ visions, dreams and lessons-learned (and shared) can serve as beacons in navigating the days, weeks and months following their death.
There is solace and comfort to be found with the concept that their love was so strong it didn’t know the bounds of life and death. There is a simple beauty in the end of a story in which the loose ends aren’t just tied up, but are bound together for eternity.
I recently lost my father (Nate Wagner died at 95) and subsequently my mother (Shirley Wagner died at 90) passed just a few months later. It does offer me much comfort that I had them as a very important part of my life for so much of my adulthood. This blog post is dedicated to their beloved souls bound up in eternity. I miss them both dearly everyday.
P.S. On July 1st Canada celebrated its’ 150th Anniversary of Confederation with lots of festivities and fireworks across the country. It is amazing to think that Canada was only 55 years old when my Dad was born and the 20th century history he witnessed in his 95-year lifetime. Happy Birthday Canada!